colourpencil your life on hot-press paper

reflections on my train of thought :)

2009-09-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

this blog of mine has been really dusty.

*blows wind and wipes it off*

i have a roller coaster ride of my life.

but i didnt come back here to archive it here.

I just come back - cos i feel it is necessary to reflect on the quality of our thoughts and the materials we read.

okay, i 'fess up. i have been STUDYING for my UNDERSTANDING SINGAPORE SOCIETY quiz, in like, 9 hours later.

and my brain is overloaded with info.

it is heavy information.

on how singapore come to independence, the factors etc.

i was so overwhelmed that i switched off and checked out laptop coolers for my HOT macbook pro.

and i surfed some familiar blogs

and i realised:

i am no longer content with just mere thoughts.

i am now into questioning fundamentals.

idealistic ideas are just paper.

how can we bring actions into the future.

its pretty much like

what are the problems in singapore now

what are the good policies

the bad and how we move on from here.

can our generation truly take the baton from our predecessors?

we are the green-house generation.

we lived in great peace, no lack and all levels of material comfort

we have never really fought. really.

just studying about LKY, Toh Chin Chye, BG Lee etc - all these great leaders of Singapore, made me admire their drive.

and reading shallow readings of academic scholar of Michael Barr's treatment in addressing LKY disturbed me. i was so tempted to close the document, BUT i perserved - to read the entire LKY readings and - it totally opened my mind to why PAP did some things they did.

I used to hold a skeptical view on "foreign talents" and felt that way when i saw LKY's "a population of 3 million cannot toss up enough talents for a globalised workforce"

until i read it till the end.

and now i realised - Oh, so this is why.

BUT

i have my comments as well. because as much as this policy made sense to me - there was not enough social safeguard in my opinion and experience.

to give a peek: is it any wonder why Singapore is having an issue with bond-breakers? Why do THEY wanna BREAK their bonds in the first place?

because they feel second-rated.

and as of right now, as i plow through the thick stack of notes and readings, i have yet to find any academic writings or reflections addressing this.

when i do, i hope i wont be disappointed. But again, a paradigm shift that opened my eyes to the wisdom and quirks of our modern Singapore father - LKY.

and truly, I do think LKY and PAP were really - more than smart. They are really blessed and lucky that whatever decisions, research, advisors (from UN techical assistance) all pointed them to a sound direction. And they are even luckier that it even worked - given Singapore's limitation of no natural resource and little food and water self-sufficiency.

but i am really thankful most - that LKY did the right thing to engage MNCs for Singapore's manufacturing industry - so different from the much favoured importation substituition of most decolonised states of that time.

It is one thing to be make a good decisions. It is another to be brave enough to bear it through - when it is unheard of.

I wonder will our local young have this tenacity and foresight and instinct.

the issue of Singapore's brain-drain.

is it any wonder?

it is a product of the Modernisation in Singapore.

China does not seem to face it.

WHY?

is it because of China's huge population mass?

or is there something fundamentally wrong in the Singapore culture and system

and it is beginning to manifest it's results in my generation?

will the PAP be able to act in time, to counter political apathy and draw enough talents to sustain a good government for the next generation?

can the PAP do it again?

as You are, so are we.

2009-04-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

when the stage is bear tonight.

there is no one else, just you and me

Esther,

God will provide.

for the troubles I am facing

for the building fund I am working on.

and as i listen to the worship song...

just sing.

sing out of worship

sing out of your heart.

just sing out of all that you are.

and put faith.

faith in God's words.

Faith.

Faith is the belief in things unseen.

As you are, so are we.

God my everything

2009-03-07T09:40:00.001-08:00

she hides in the rain

and looks up to Him.

she just smile at Him.

God loves her.

that is enough.

with God.

God, my shephard

my shelter

my song.

God my love

God my carrier.

God my sword

God my spirit.

God my everything.

her art

2009-03-07T09:34:00.000-08:00

her mechanical actions synchronised with the music

she silently believed in

she listens carefully.

she acted out of obedience

she chose to do things out of faithfulness

she knows what she does

she believes in what she sees

she trusts her heart and His heart.

it is not a poem about Him

It is a poem from her to Him

it is a poem singing about her love.

a love that is quiet

a love that suffers

a love that grows

a love that strengthens

a love

that stretches far beyond her beliefs.

she needs help

she needs his company

but she knows her diginity too.

She does things with a silent diginity

not what they say

what does He say

she asked questions

and she listens to a silent poetry within

singing and hmming

she believes in what she do

and the faithfulness in what she do

cos she knows

she is loved and trusted by Him

By Him

that is all that is enough

that is all that she needs.

By Him.

Esteem and Edify

2009-02-28T12:44:00.000-08:00

its a long awaited post again =D

by God.

2009-02-15T22:44:00.000-08:00

i dont need to do anything now.

i just need to stand.

be still.

esther thinking.

2009-01-25T21:38:00.000-08:00

esther is smiley happy orange. :)

silent afternn

2009-01-17T09:43:00.000-08:00

let it out

from paper to presence

into reality.

its not about the endless books

its not about the mindless chase

ah.

looking to God for affirmation, for confirmation, for direction.

actually...

its true.

just wanna sit down,

write

jewel

draw.

_____________________________________________________________________

she just look and smiled

silently at her work

quietly at her friends

this is like her lil song

her playful sketch

her finger run through

her pages

her pencils

her everything

the reminiscence of her lazy afternoons

her little moments

her endless nights to get work done

missing her beauty sleep.

even esther herself dont know what to do.

its the silent rain again.

2008-12-30T12:02:00.000-08:00

the same ol' feeling hits back

after some time,

it is all too familiar.

the devil seeks an opportune time to come back

again and again.

ah my all too familiar weakness

time and again.

God i just wanna draw back into your presence

it does not matter what people say

what matters is

what you say

to be effective

you must observe first.

while cleaning up.

2008-12-30T02:48:00.001-08:00

i dont club

i dont drink

i just enjoy house music.

thank God for my results.

it is not stellar.

but it is fair considering

1) the effort i put in

2) what i was involved in

at least, i am still in the running for overseas exchange prog. no need to say anymore.

i go apply asap. at least, i can still maintain what i want.

now that i maintain

let me move to the next level .

smile from my heart

2008-12-25T11:10:00.000-08:00

this smile just radiates from my heart

its beyond words

i wont bother to explain either

i am just blessed.

a conversation with cg members during lunch with edrei ard (rick came for christmas service as well! ) made me wanna pen this down:

jl simply asked:

so how are you doing in sch?

a basic answer of hmhm... can lah - is further explained upon probing.

THIS SEMESTER is MY TOUGHEST EVER.

let's tick it up in summary:

the beginning:

1) Organiser for NTU-NUS combined orientation camp (which i eventually handover everything to dear wei liang cos i have to go for ADM camp. missing out on the great fellowship with zihao, cheryl, jiji, ziyun, ching seng, yong siang, etc etc. and over at nus - with myrna, changhan, yuantai, lips etc. ) i always rember the crazy emails we sent to each other, over the phone - planning and discussing games, applying to SAO with all possible means for hostel accomodations, calling calling... it was mad. programming, logistics, outreach, overall programme flow, sourcing for ogls, agls, programmers, etc all into one... it was too tough to handle. it was too much for me and zihao to take care off. then xiaoting and jeremy came in to help share the burden for the ntu ministry side... thank God...i have to admit i was deeply saddened at missing out the fellowship. i know the camp has forged deep friendships and i wished i was there to share in the fun and get to know more people as well. i really have to thank Wei Liang for being a good brother, for stepping forward to offer to help in whatever small ways in the initial days. and agreeing to take over from me when the new camp date clashes directly with my school camp. Thank you really, you dont know how much you impacted me through your willingness to help and serve people. But more importantly, to remind me to stay close to God and as you said: God knows. God knows how you feel.

you reminded me of God's grace and rest when i need it most. thank you.

2) assistant clan mistress with stepsister clan.

gosh, this really tires me out. it ORIENTATION CAMP no matter what.

3) Group Leader with hall 8 foc.

gotta thank the rest of the gls, cgl - edrei, acgls for their support and understanding. i reckon it took me half way thru the camp - into tue or more rather, wed to RECOVER into my USUAL hyper level - having exhausted most of it in ADM camp

4) NTU ministry Drama production.

a firm timeline lost track due to necessary changes in schedules... i admit that when it stretched unto school time... i lost track and got overwhelmed... not forgetting my other commitments... really gotta thank Jiji for being so supportive and encouraging. Han Kiong for helping with the designs request...terence for helping the publicity team and keeping it going! yong siang, for helping to print... being a great brother who also helped me out in reaching out to my friends... i really gotta give credit to jiji... for standing by me and just talking sense into me. i am most touched by her unselfishness and willingness to sacrifice when she volunteered: esther, i dont mind doing saturation alone. i was completely awed by her heart of love and sacrifice. saturation - is not something you want to alone. seriously. imagine going door to door - hall to hall. and there are 16 halls in ntu, averaging 4 blocks, 100-150 pax per block, so lets average out 30 single rooms, 70-120 double rooms, ... hmhm aiyah, wanna stop counting now!

either way, to go door to door to reach out and talk to people is not easy. i just wanna thank so many people for teaching me through this journey of serving in ntu ministry. its been a great moment, though it was REALLY tiring and i gotta admit at times, i felt so stressed and saddened at the thought of missing out fellowship (i was serving concurrently for the NTU-NUS Orientation camp) ... and jiji will drop a message: thank you esther. at the opportune moment when i need encouragement most. thank you Jiji, you are truly an angel from the Lord to guide me in adm.

looking at you, makes me wanna be an angel to another person.

let me just round up.

my greatest learning journey is serving the NTU ministry during the orientation camp planning. it really opened my eyes. God, thank you for giving me a chance to serve you. Thank you, i dont know how i could have made it all through without you. the Holy Spirit ministered to my sense of loss and emptyness by showing me one important moment:

again, through the beautiful jiji

it all started ordinarily enough

i see my sister, i just ran forward to hug her.

she brought along a friend from nus - whom she got to know through the orientation camp

to church service.

it was during praise and worship, that the Holy Spirit put immense joy in my heart by pouring understanding into me the impact of my actions and serving. Through my efforts, deep friendships amongst people are forged. unbelievers stepped into church because of this opportunity that was created out of my hands and efforts.

i know right then, God has helped me move on by putting a finishing chapter into my heart, by telling me - what are the fruits through serving.

as long as i can bring someone to church indirectly through my efforts, by creating an opportunity for us to reach out, i know all i have done is worth it.

and it is further sweetened when i saw that she answered altar call.

how can i explain? it is exceptionally impactful cos of the sower and seeds parable that God showed me and gave me a choice of who do i want to be? the sower or the one who develops the seeds? i choose to be the one who develops the seeds, thats why i choose to study product design.

Semester on:

1) Election Campaign and elected to office.

it was a tough journey. Thank God for His grace. for the landslide victory =)

and... my office post is really NOT easy!!! but thank God that through this position, i got to know more people and reach out to them. thank you God =)

2) Family

God knows the pain that happened to me through it all. From the very start of election campaign to the end of semester - so much has happened it stretched me throughly.

i just cried out and asked Him, told Him and just cry to Him. Only God knows my pain, no one else can.

3)School Work

it all started okay, until towards the end of semester - with the bottleneck of what schoolwork piling up, family, presentations and lots of improvement required. Thats why i am in school, to learn and sharpened my skills.

4) adm ntu ministry ic.

ar. honestly, i must do a better job. i was... stretched too thin. But i wanna thank Jiji, Jason, Han Kiong and Venis for coming down to the ntu ministry's prayer meetings and showing support to the meetings i organised.

5) Halloween

its a tough cookie! with so much in my hands and right at the moment of what happened to my family, i was in great distress. But i gotta thank God for giving me this chance to reach out and show my sincerity in working with people and most importantly, gaining the trust of people. thank you God for the people i worked with, it tested me on my long-sufferings, patience, understanding and pr skills with people. Most importantly, it tested me to guide with love. Guiding with love is indeed not easy.

a wild ride isnt it. this semester.

learn from Jesus

2008-12-24T12:40:00.001-08:00

i rember pastor tan's words:

no one can be more stressed than Jesus

at the cross of calvary

with blood running down into his eyes

the crown of thorns pierced into his brow

his hands nailed

open bleeding wounds all over his skin

with the mockery from the crowd and soldiers

all crying for his life

then, one of the criminals at the crucifixion said:

"Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

Then Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

a love letter to my future husband.

2008-12-16T11:30:00.000-08:00

having read myrna's blog... i am inspired too. hahaha

I will take a million photos of your side profiles -

CLOSEUPS

of framing

the tip of your nose

half of your eyes

and the upper part of your cheeks

cos they will be so beautiful.

we will smile and see each other at the ends of our curled lips.

endless nights we will spend

playing with photo montages,

spinning our dj stuffs nuts

stuffing our mbps

cutting and drawing

creating new perspectives

and defining new directions in art.

i hope you will be a very spiritual guy

i know you will be.

i know when i am fighting a battle

you are beside me

right beside me.

because i am by your side

i will be very contented to be by your side.

our kids

will be free to experiment

and we will too.

we will be very united in our decisions on using art for God

we will see new ways of bringing art to God

we will lead directions on teaching people about God through art.

i wonder

will you be as experimental and crazy as i am

will you be crazier?

i hope you are actually =) haha

together lets ride the world on our little vespa.

strumming a guitar

the wind in our hair

a song in our heart

the love of God on our lips

and in our hands.

i just wanna smile to you

because i will feel so safe with you

i will feel blissful.

i wonder how you will look like.

will you have the slight tousled hair that i so wanna have on my hair. haha

will you have a strong voice

will you have a broad jaw

will your facial features be distinct?

i know i will sketch you everyday.

then later, we will sketch our children everyday.

we will document their growth and write about their love for God

in our sketchbooks

we will smile and hold each other's hands

your hand will be slight calloused - due to the creative hands-on nature of our work

my hand will be a fashion designer's hands

your's is a designer's hands as well.

we will be interested in all things art.

haha

cos we know it is the best platform to talk about God

lets exchange banter

the quick fire of words

i hope..

you will be smarter than me

you will be sharper than me

cos... i am a very blur person!

actually, you must lah.

cos ya supposed to lead me mah.

and you will protect me

with your wit and strong hands.

When night comes,

before any mad partying with the art crowd

we will always commit time into prayer.

before any artwork that we work on

we will always pray

before i cut up any fabric

i will pray

before you get down to the drawing board

you will pray.

before anything we do.

lets pray. =)

haha. i dont know what to say.

i just hope that

gillian, my cgl of n20. my spiritual leader

2008-12-16T11:18:00.001-08:00

God

you know the same feeling i am feeling now.

The same ol' feeling comes back to me again - and again.

I guess the difference now is choosing how to deal with it

how to handle it differently

how to conquer it

thats why i am writing back to you

Its like a silent rain.

Silent but very quiet.

so quiet it speaks only to your heart.

so small, it pricks you

without you noticing.

and when you do

it sinks in.

God...

to sum things up.

its been a very tough semester.

but i found you.

It affirms my love,

for you.

i have indeed, become stronger.

you waited for me patiently.

I really have to thank my cell group leader Gillian for this.

She is a real woman of God.

Her ways are gentle.

and heart warming.

a truly responsible woman

who stayed by God's side,

regardless of all the pain that came upon her.

What i love about Gillian

is her respect for her members.

She respects us regardless of whatever disappointments

and places her faith in our growth and faithfulness.

Thanks to her gentle ways

i have not left the cell group or church.

i always know i love God

but i was not sure if i can say the same for cell group

I didnt even felt i belong at one time

I wanted to stay away

because i felt no one understands.

Gillian was firm but respectful in her discipline

She told me of her honest views

and yet gave me enough breathing space to let it sink in.

To let me mould

to let me understand

the years of education allowed me to understand teachings fast with logic

but it never taught me how to apply it into my life

God did. through Gillian.

with her gentle ways.

Thank you God

Thank you God for bringing me under Gillian's teachings and leadership.

She is indeed a wonderful woman of God

who loves her members above their flaws.

cut off from my plate

2008-09-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

the reality is - my granny is day by day.

it is there.

how does it feel to see this happening before you?
what will most people do.
what will most people think.
what do they do in response.

i know what i have.
it is no longer about asking to do
it is about doing
it now.

i have to be bold.
but afterall, with faith
i have to be concise
but afterall, with gentleness
i have to be clear
but afterall, with understanding.

and last but not least, pray pray pray.

and... not to be distracted by too many things...

schwork, student club = that alone is crazily enough.
but there is church. and my commitments as well.
there is the minor and the competitions.
there is the proposals and the idea as well.
looking the team etc.

oh yeah, and halloween.

this is more than enough on my plate.
I must seek God on what t cut from my plate.

i would have died.

2008-09-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

God, why is it so painful to love you.

7 tests you say.

the first 3 bring me to my knees with tears.

now the 4th.
and i can feel i am near.

near.

its painful.
i know i am lacking in endurance.
God it is painful.
God it is tiring.
God it is terrible.
The pain.
I am not afraid.
But, with all the things going on - its tough.
I dont wish to be jaded.
I dont want to.
Thick skin and thin heart.
I wanna remain like that.
I dont want to be hardened within.

God, i must talk to you soon.
i need you.
i need n20.
i need cg.
i need your support.
i know i am going on unchartered territories again.
I am drawing a new path in my life again,
i know no one else can come into my life and help me.
Because it is between me and God.
i must rely more on God to finish the 4th test

and the 5th, the 6th, the 7th.

the righteous shall fall - utterly fall, 7 times
only to rise again.

God, i know you will be there waiting to carry me.
Waiting to carry me into your arms when i can come with my own victory.
The only reason why i can keep running, is because i know you are with me.
Without you, i cant do it at all.

I would have died.
I would have died.

if i am willing.

2008-09-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

You never know how it feels until you come to it. only when you come to it, only when you come to crunch time - will you know it feels.

God, i pray for you to bring me to my knees. to pray and do my all for this moment. for this moment. to do the best. To have this heavy burden to make things change and turn. A complete turn. Only you GOd have the ability to change and make things diff and better. God i can only ask of your will and generousity.

How will i ever know until i come to this state.
I now know and understand. it is so different and i can only look to God for this moment, this change, this call can only stay if God is with me. It can only change if I am willing. If i am willing.

The call for Jonah. if you are willing.

If you are willing.

Esther, it is your call. You willingness. That will make the difference. God please. Put burden into my heart and change me, bring me to my knees. I can only change, if i am willing. If i am willing.

He is worthy to save.

2008-09-01T06:48:00.001-07:00

my God is worthy to save. He is worthy to save.

God. bring me to where you want me to. Teach me how. Keep me strong

2008-08-31T03:43:00.000-07:00

God i stand alone.

you hear my voice and my cries.

You alone can carry my burden and bring my peace.

You alone can take my appeal and make things change.

God i dont know why am i going this alone - but i know only i can walk this through.

No one else can hear my heart or understand my pain.

The conflict within is too great to bear.

Silent i stand i look.

Not daring to let my cry out

Holding my tears within

Lest the people who see my tears may mock me.

Because they dont agree with my feelings and dont comprehend why i feel this way.

How does it feel to be a sole fighter with a direction that i know is right,

when i am within others who think it doesnt matter

God i seek the big picture and i seek to do what is right.

Because i know it is right and cause i stand in your light.

God i need your strength and can only hold unto You.

Because i know only You can understand me.

Because i know it is right - thats why even if it hurts - i carry on with this fight.
I carry on with what i believe in and refuse to be shaken.

But God, it is so pain. God it is so painful.
To be in this alone.

I dont know why, what and how things come to such.
But i know i am in a scenario where i HAVE to do something. I have to stay strong and not be shaken. Cos this is the critical point.

God i seek Your Hand.
God i seek Your Face.
You alone God, hear my appeal and know my pains.
You alone God know my situation and my cries.
God you know how i am and what i am in,
God please raise me up, lest my feet dash upon the stone.
God please be with me, cos i feel so alone.

Alone. Again i have another mountain to climb.

Lord, your tests are painful and it brings me to my knees.
You have changed me and made me different.
You brought wisdom to me through.
God, i can only ask of your forgiveness and your love.
God put your heart in mine and make me see the wisdom and how to change the scenarios. I don know how i can do it well.

I can only pray.

God i ask, please keep my prayers strong.
Please keep me in your light and discipline me close.

Tis huge mountatin - is for me to climb alone. I know i am alone again.

God you know, God you hear. God i trust. I can only trust you.

God, i need you.

2008-08-31T01:23:00.001-07:00

" i will not sacrifice to the Lord my God
burnt offerings that cost me nothing. "

yea yea yea!

2008-07-19T22:51:00.000-07:00

The benefits of serving the kingdom of God and why some ppl miss it all.

Benefits of serving the kingdom of God - brings you closer to God =)

Serving the kingdom of God -> need God more, God's strength -> Prayer, grow closer to God

BUT
some people miss it all and end up with disgruntled life

Serving the kingdom of God -> depend on their own strength -> end up tired and exhasuted.

Cos... everytime we serve - be it God or doing stuffs like school work, helping our friends or family affairs, we will end up tired. I mean, we are still humans!

When we rely on our humanly strength, we tired out and worst, we dont have the time and ability to get away and take a break. What do i mean? simply put, how many people have the luxury of time to take time off their work and the capability like some spare cash to take a holiday? Your work piles up while you are away and it is like a never ending race. Its like a never ending job.

But the difference is, when we pray and cry out to God, we draw on His strength - which is everlasting and renewing us inwardly everyday. We get refreshed through God's strength. We can get refreshed in a matter of 15mins to 1 hr when we come into His presence. So we can have a real quick, solid break and come back with vigour to do better. =) we can even think of new ways to double our productivity. we can multi-task, cos we have the holy spirit helping us.

I learnt so much more! through this time of serving the ntu minisry =) I am so happy! yeah!~

rest.

2008-07-19T21:27:00.000-07:00

it is one of those times when i can find the presence of God in my house.

when i just come
and cry to the Lord

and it is right in the middle of my living room. The phone's constant ringing. My parents discussion, my sister with her youtube videos and the songs blaring.

Amidst all these, i enter into God's presence.

I just cried and cried
and suddenly the Holy Spirit reminded me:

there is nothing God cant do, with willing people.

And tears just flowed down my cheeks,
Lord, i am so tired.
I am so tired.

and i just listen to sidney mohede's songs... though i dont understand what he is singing - i dont understand indo. But i just rest in God's presence. And then i realised - when i typed, when i think about words - i often get caught up in the words and it breaks the flow of God's presence. Distractions from my surrounding just rush in, including the thinking process of me typing my entry.It like, Dont think. Dont even think. Just listen. Instead, i just let the music minister to me, and just have an open channel in my heart - ready for God's touch. Waiting for God's touch, wanting to have God's touch.

I finally found what i have been searching for, how to enter God's presence despite all the distractions around me constantly. Just come and eagerly, determinded to spend time with the Lord, just come with a determined heart to come to God. That i just stay still, dont think. Just let the music minister to me. Just let Sidney Mohede's voice minister to me and dont think, dont think of anything. Dont even constantly think about focusing on God. Cos otherwise, i am too hard on myself - thinking of thinking of God. But just free myself from everything and let the music bring me into His presence. And dont hurry to write down whatever i learnt or heard from the Holy Spirit. Dont hurry to type it all down lest it gets lost. Instead just enjoy the presence of God, just stay in His presence. The Holy Spirit told me, dont worry. Dont worry, the Holy Spirit will remind you again. Just stay and enjoy the presence.

And i cried
i need rest.
i need rest.

I do it with a willing heart
i do it for you.

I need rest.

And He knows.
the current errands and everything are all okay. All the commitments are okay.

I just need rest from emotional strains.
I just need rest from all the emotional turmoil.
I just need rest emotionally.

He knows.

And i rem'ber what God told me thru Lips"

You are better than who you think you are. Dont settle for second best.

and i think back about these two months - june and july. all the planning for focs and handling all my commitments. 3 focs. God, it will be over soon. God, i managed to handle it all.

Thank You God, for letting me know
i can.

with you, i can.

and i hold onto God's hands. and rest.
Like a child sitting in her favourite swing - her head resting on His lap. Her eyes felt heavy and she slept. A well deserved rest in His peace.

the house phone kept ringing, my parents kept talking, my sister kept blasting her music.

i finally found true silence.

Psalm 91:14
"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

__________________________________________________________________

and here i am typing this entry, restored. on the road to recovery everyday with God.
anyway, just thought i should leave the url for the sidney mohede songs i heard earlier:

1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqlKjNaBsNE&feature=related
2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsETfZ8KaIk&feature=related
3)

and as i listen to his songs, i thought about how Sidney is serving his ministry - bringing the presence of God to people through his songs.

And i felt, true ministry is bringing comfort to people.

There are many ways, Sidney's way is through his song - like a little boy happily singing his love to God everyday. Others are through showing care and concern to people's lives through visitations and followup.

Mine is through design.
Designs that put a smile on people's face and put diginity back into their lives.

I will always rem'ber the visions i saw. As a designer. Thank you God, for putting boldness in my heart.

and now, i will stop blogging and get back to work. After all my ntu ministry stuffs are more settled - its time for me to fly. Fly with God in the world of design. He did a miracle once to kick start my design career. Its time for miracles to come. Works that will let the world stand in awe of God's grace.

I am not the one who come up with these ideas,
i am just the instrument.
I am just blessed enough to draw and tell the world of God's wisdom.

Thank you God.

her. actually - my comtemplative lyrics.

2008-06-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

her.

her chipped nails scream out her love and her work
left aside, she kept her hands hanging and thought aloud
how she wants this to end

she dont want to let it go
but she is pained at its cages
her hair betrays her self esteem
her skin talks her age

her lips says
i have here a precious treasure that wrecks
one that breaks and sings
oh i will show the greatest joy
the happy wickness
at your fall.

you will not leave me alone
you will not walk me out
you will not keep me in
yet you will not show me out

you tear me apart
like how you always have

i cry whenever she comes
i smile whenever you licked

oh you horrible thing.
the one who made me hell.
you made me helpless and lost
yet you gave me a sad smile and a wide laugh.

and i realised, its cos i always allowed you to.

before thought: her chipped nails tells her tales.

THANK YOU GOD!!!

2008-06-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

=D

Art Hisory B+
FDN DRAWING A
2D Design A-
3D Design A-
4D Design A-
Marketing B+

THANK YOU GOD!

Considering that i had a terrible time in school. I was struggling emotionally, mentally. I had a tough time this semester. My workload was crazy - i still had to deal with my commitments for the ADM School Commitee. this results are more than what i can ask for! Thank You God!

a great jump! from GPA 4.08 to 4.41 . =D thank you God!

Thank You God! For the favour of men - that my teachers have looked upon me kindly - especially 4D - despite being late few times. That he saw my heart and my effort in my work. Thank You God, for the good idea that you blessed me with - for my last GESTALT LAWS proj! Thank You God, for 2D - that ina saw deep within me, the potential of my ideas and the sincerity i have towards my craft. Thank you God, for FDN DRAWING - for helping me exceedingly abundantly - to do well. to give me the boldness to speak and paint abt you in class - the dedicated drawing i have for you Lord - RECONNECTION. my grade jumped 4 grades! from a B- to an A. Thank You God!

Thank You God, for Art History - for your wisdom to come upon me during my exams and keeping me calm. For your grace towards my mad adventurous choice of question. Thank You God, for MARKETING. my thoughts went wild to even thinking i will get a C! Thank you God, for your wisdom - it is really you Lord, who guide me through the exams. (and with help from good friends - ERIC!! thank you SO much!!! enjoy yourself in france!!!)

God is good, all the time. God is really kind to me. For giving me strength. For giving me peace. For his wisdom. For his faithfulness to me - even when i strayed away from Him. Even when i was fighting a spiritual battle deep in my heart and i was in a total mess. Thank you God, for your faithfulness, when i fail. When i am unfaithful. Thank You God.

=D

2008-05-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

sin - nip it in the bud

with prayer.

i am amused.

and seek to clear it up.

one last point for today. =)

2008-05-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

each prayer counts!!

and... ...

DONT LIMIT GOD!

through my thoughts, my words or my actions.
a full trust - 100% jiayou!!! =D

happy =)

2008-05-30T11:41:00.000-07:00

loving God means loving the people He loves.

as simple as this sounds, it is really tough to do.
But i managed! and i now fully understand what it means.

Thank God for putting the fire back into my heart and healing me of the hurts that other christians have done to me.

We are all imperfect. As such, we make mistakes and hurt each other. Thats why we need God. To be a better person and to forgive others and heal our hurts. =)

I now know what it means! =)

and i am now BACK!
there is a joy in my voice, a spring in my steps, a smile in my eyes. how else can i explain?
i am now madly in love with God all over again! =D

yeah!!! feels so good to walk back into His presence, His trust and His LOVE.
and without prayer - though your hearts and mind are in the right direction, it will not come to anything. ONLY THROUGH PRAYER - will things take place. Will we get better! Prayer IS the basic!

The prayer of the righteous is effective and powerful.

just letting this line sink into my mind. How strong.
Without prayer, it is like building rocks on sand foundations. It wont last, it wont hold on. It will only be temporary. So thats why, get prayer from the start to build everything on a good base!!

I wanna be like elijah! The woman standard of elijah!

gosh, i just realised i am like super hyper over this entry. hee hee.
i just cant hide the happiness in my heart! =D

kk, i will share more. =) but for now, i MUST SLEEP. cos i am working tomorrow. All good/great things start with humble beginnings. indeed. =) my humble job that will teach me lots.

and yes, i wanna serve in dialect church! *the super hyper me who wants to do everything and anything again. hahah - learn guitar, try out dance etc. hee hee.... lol. Gotta rember, that what is most important is PRAYER. anything else is secondary. hee hee. i am so happy!!! *

what else can i say. =D
God is faithful. God is love.
God is kind. God is about freedom.
God believes in us. =)

Thank you God =D

How can i ?

2008-05-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

How can i walk away?
when i have seen all these things?

How can i leave?
when i have felt His love?

How can i ignore?
when i have felt His pain?

brokenness

2008-05-25T09:42:00.000-07:00

desire eagerly the gift of prophecy!

and my heart so wants it!

and my family's salvation - which means, pray for it!!!! =D

now what is left, is brokenness.

Cards and Letters pls! not gifts.

2008-05-23T10:16:00.001-07:00

and then i realised

how much i have lost.

i seems to have lost the vibe i carried in my writings.
the quick wit of words.
the playful exchange.

how i used to make my words follow a certain direction one the page.
how it appears visually - applies to me.

i still wanna say,

forget presnts. i rather a handwritten or handmade card. REALLY.
i love to receive writings from people. i love to keep letters.
i love to protect letters and cards from people - away from the inching dust.

gifts are temporary. cards and letters and cards? i will keep them and read them and re-read until i am really old. and i will keep them.

write to me. the good old fashion method with pen and paper. treat the paper, make it messy if you want. anything. as long as i know it is you. i dont want those fancy stuffs that you can buy from shops. i am not interested in those.

i rather a messy card or a super plain card - with a long heartfelt message than obligatory.

i wont reject gifts though. but i prize cards and letters above it. all the time. really.

pain

2008-05-23T10:08:00.001-07:00

self inflicted
emotional wounds.

sometimes, thats why. i think.

2008-05-23T00:36:00.001-07:00

elina i miss you.
self examination:and i think. about why.i realise - when i feel that my artistic trials are doubted. when my perceived artistics adventures are doubted - i will withdraw. though i understand why some felt that way, but i put myself away from them. cos they dont understand.and they dont try to understand either.like when i cant find ppl who i can share my artistic directions and discuss with great intensity on our adventures and trial-and-error , i feel sadden.fragments. of. me. that is left around.elina. i miss you.

pain.

2008-05-23T00:04:00.000-07:00

i feel like a _ _ _ 0_ _ _ _ _ holding the bible in my hands.

painful.

i thought i had a direction.
i was wrong.

i thought i had discipline
i was wrong.

painful.

planning..?

2008-05-18T00:19:00.001-07:00

things to do:

1) Sudy biz finan

2) check out ELECTROLUX

3) Sort out junk at home

4) look for platform, target grp. work.

5) yes, get a job. i need the cash

in addition, i have foc(s) and the theatre production.

2008-05-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

i am like a living contradiction.

my mind and heart is fighting with my flesh.

like what paul wrote in romans.
sin and death.
sin and the Spirit
the fight between desire of the flesh and the fear of God.

indeed, my mind knows.
my heart WAS undecided.
but today my heart spoke a side.
which i am grateful for.

still, it is an agony.

this inner frustration at my sinner side.

2008-04-13T09:08:00.001-07:00

During the French Revolution, art was used as a tool for communicating ideas about philosophical and politcal aims. In the Oath of the Horatii Jacques-Louis David is visually retelling a story of the ancient Roman Republic. In this image is a group of sons swearing to their father that they will defend Rome to the death. In David's time, there was a growing movement toward a democratic government and many believed that they had to be completely committed (like the Horatii) in order for it to succeed.
The Death of Marat also by Jacques-Louis David retold the story of the murder of a pro-democracy writer who was a member of the same political party as David. David takes great care to portray this character as a martyr by making hiim look more like a Classical Greek sculpture in pose and the way he is painted.

ART HISTORY ESSAY.

2008-04-12T19:41:00.000-07:00

SECTION ONE: COMPULSORY

1. Select one work (this could be architecture, painting, sculpture etc.) from this second Western Art History survey that has been interesting and inspiring for you.In your response, briefly describe the work and discuss what it is that you feel makes this work so interesting.

Your response may reflect one or more of the following areas of significance:

• Key techniques and technical innovations employed in the work.

• The symbols and associations at stake in the work.

• The larger themes running through the work and other works of the time—as related to the key themes developed in our course.

Eg:

1. Art & Science

2.Art & Everyday Life

3.Art & Politics

4. Gender, Race & Class

5. Representations of Humans & Nature

6.Art vs Art

7. Abstraction & Naturalism

8. Significances of Photography

9.The Spectacle of the Other etc.

• The social, political and economic context in which the work was produced.

• You may also want to juxtapose this work with other examples from the course to illustrate why you find this particular artist/work so inspiring.

10. Art & Politics

Compare and contrast two works from two periods this second semester of Western Art History that illustrate relationships between Art & Politics in the societies of the time.

ART HISTORY. BRIEF LOOK ON KEY THEMES

2008-04-11T05:38:00.000-07:00

BAROQUE

intro.
principal European style in the visual arts in the 17th century and the first half of the 18th;
17th-century and modern critics have identified in the Baroque clear signs of a return to Renaissance order and affirmation after the disorder and pessimism they perceived in the arts of Mannerism (Gombrich, pp. 99–106).
Wölfflin identified two major factors in the recognition of Baroque art. First, he placed its origin not merely in Italy but specifically in the Rome of the late Renaissance,

Baroque is the characteristic style of the 17th and early 18th centuries. It is a style of appearances rather than essences, or of Werden (becoming) rather than Wesen (being). Rubens’s Raising of the Cross is affective, dramatic, realistic almost to the point of illusionism, so that the viewer seems through a picture to be witnessing the actual event. The crucifix is displayed diagonally, both across the picture surface and in the represented depth; it is eternally about to reach the perpendicular, but can do so only in the viewer’s imagination. All art reaches the intellect through the senses, for there is no other route; but Baroque art addresses the senses directly and reaches the intellect through the emotions rather than through reason

characteristics
Baroque art expresses and affects with immediacy, by a variety of means, whether it be by Wölfflin’s concept of unity, in which pictures and buildings alike are first apprehended in a single sweeping impression, or by the manipulation of the beholder into a particular viewpoint, or by devices that bridge the barrier between the world of the image and that of the viewer. Critical scholarship has recently turned to the ideas underlying the work of painters such as van Dyck and Velázquez; nevertheless, their art in particular is indeed first and last one of sight, not of intellect, and its virtue lies more in the paint surface than in ideas. Their aim was to make beautiful pictures, as the Earl of Newcastle well understood when he wrote to van Dyck of his desire to be a hundred-eyed Argus, ‘or all over but one eye, so it or they were ever fixed upon that which we must call yours’. However rational and deliberate the artist’s procedure, it was the sensory effect that counted: Borromini’s S Carlo alle Quattro Fontane in Rome is based on a geometry of circles and equilateral triangles, but the first prior of the church noted that visitors, at once puzzled and fascinated by the plan, were drawn again and again to the building, an effect that he likened to the soul’s aspiration to heaven.

One characteristic of the Baroque on which all agree is movement, whether it be the orthogonal and lateral movement in Maderno’s archetypal façade of S Susanna in Rome (1597–1603see
Maderno, carlo, fig. 1
-->) whose consistent forward breaks of plane lead the eye to the centre, or the flickering chain of figures in Poussin’s bacchanals, in which the movements of the dancers are complemented by the changing pattern of colours and shadows. There is also the movement of the spirit. Seventeenth-century writers were conversant with approaches to the emotions, and the materialist philosopher Thomas Hobbes formulated a mechanistic theory of what is now called the subconscious. Sir Christopher Wren, while insisting on the geometrical basis of beauty, admitted also to the existence of another kind of beauty, that of association or evocation ‘of things not in themselves beautiful’, and he required the architect to visualize his designs in the perspective not of drawing but of the real world. Faced with Bernini’s David (1623; Rome, Gal. Borghese), the spectator instinctively looks behind him for the object of the slinger’s gaze. Rembrandt, seeking in his Blinding of Samson (1636; Frankfurt am Main, Städel. Kstinst. & Städt. Gal.) the greatest possible movement (his word, beweechgelickheyt, was ambiguous and meant both activity and emotion), seems to place the beholder inside the cave looking out past the horrific event to the blue sky, symbol of sight and freedom. In the Piazza of St Peter’s and at Versailles the beholder’s attention is captured; he is overwhelmed by the scale of his surroundings in relation to himself, and the messages respectively of an embracing mother-church and a monarch responsible only to God are inescapably borne in upon him. These two great ensembles became the model for rulers through the 18th century and beyond. In the 20th century the use of such imagery has been imperfectly understood by adherents of totalitarian ideology all over the world, who have imitated the vastness of Baroque prototypes in order to dehumanize the individual. For indeed, in the Piazza one may sit on the bases of the columns, and the focus of attention is human and of human size: the successor of Peter and (in the phraseology of papal documents ever since Gregory the Great) ‘the servant of the servants of God’. Likewise at Versailles human scale informs not only the individual units of the vast design but also every detail of its decoration.

2 modes of imaginations
In Renaissance und Barock Wölfflin had related ‘linear’ and ‘painterly’ to the distinction between things as they are and things as they seem to be, i.e. between essences and appearances. It is imperative to recognize—as Wölfflin himself was well aware—that this crucial distinction was not new: it has been made ever since Classical antiquity, and its use as a key to the difference between Renaissance and Baroque art is a particular application of a much more general principle.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

from Lucy's slides:

C 17 Baroque: Key Issues & Characteristics:
Issues/ Themes:
Religious divisions & consequences: Dutch Republic vs Catholic spain
Science--scrutiny”with new eyes”
New prominence to human passion, emotion, psychology.
Meetings with/ colonisation of the other: Africa, Americas, Asia
Tensions between eroticism & spirituality
Characteristics
Drama! Narrative inside and outside the frame
Light and colour--tenebrism-- (tenebroso) shadowy dramatic dark & light
Vitality, energy, movement
Motion & emotion
Illusionism!
Multiplicities: juxtapositins, tensions between classicism,
innovation and naturalism--in the same works!!

exam essay qn

2008-04-11T05:09:00.000-07:00

Hi all, As promised, below are the exam questions for this semester. I will be going over these questions with you in the last lecture of this semester. And I will confirm whether you can take essay drafts into the exam soonestLucy

SECTION ONE: COMPULSORY

1. Select one work (this could be architecture, painting, sculpture etc.) from this second Western Art History survey that has been interesting and inspiring for you.
In your response, briefly describe the work and discuss what it is that you feel makes this work so interesting.

Your response may reflect one or more of the following areas of significance:
• Key techniques and technical innovations employed in the work.
• The symbols and associations at stake in the work.
• The larger themes running through the work and other works of the time—as related to the key themes developed in our course.

Eg:
1. Art & Science
2.Art & Everyday Life
3.Art & Politics
4. Gender, Race & Class
5. Representations of Humans & Nature
6.Art vs Art
7. Abstraction & Naturalism
8. Significances of Photography
9.The Spectacle of the Other etc.

• The social, political and economic context in which the work was produced.
• You may also want to juxtapose this work with other examples from the course to illustrate why you find this particular artist/work so inspiring.

SECTION TWO ANSWER ONE OF TEN QUESTIONS:
Section B: Answer any ONE (1) of the following TEN (10) questions

2. Relationships Between Humans & Nature in Western Art History:
Compare and contrast two works from two periods this second semester of Western Art History that illustrate changing attitudes to the relationships between humans and nature in the art and society of the times.

3. Relationships Between Art & Everyday Life in Western Art History
Compare and contrast two works from two periods this second semester of Western Art History that illustrate changing attitudes to the relationships between Art and Everyday Life art and society of the times.

4. Gender/Race/Class Representations in Western Art History
Compare and contrast two works from two periods this second semester of Western Art History that illustrate changing representations of and attitudes to either Gender, Race or Class, or a combination of these social categories in the art and society of the times.

5. Other Cultures/Other Landscapes
Discuss how projected representations of Other Cultures and/or Other Landscapes influenced Western Art in the periods we have studied this semester. Illustrate your argument by juxtaposing two works from two periods of Art History from this semester.

6. Significances of Photography to Art & Visual Culture
Discuss the various significances of the invention of photography to art and visual culture in modern societies.
Illustrate your response with two works (the works do not necessarily need to be photographs) that you feel speak of the influence of photography on art and visual culture.

7. Changing Understandings of Line, Form, Light, Colour, Gesture
Compare and contrast two works from two periods of this second semester of Western Art History that illustrate changing understandings of and emphases upon either: Line; Gesture Form; Light; Colour or a combination of these concerns.

8. Art & Science
Compare and contrast two works from two periods this second semester of Western Art History that illustrate the ways in which scientific discoveries and theories have influenced artistic expression and practice.

9. Abstraction & Naturalism
Compare and contrast two works from two periods this second semester of Western Art History that illustrate an ongoing tension between abstraction and naturalism in the art and societies of the times.

10. Art & Politics
Compare and contrast two works from two periods this second semester of Western Art History that illustrate relationships between Art & Politics in the societies of the time.

11. Art vs Art: Mainstream & Counterpoint
Discuss the various incarnations of Art vs Art, Mainstream vs Counterpoint in this second semester of Western Art History. Illustrate your response with reference to the works and lives of two different artists from two different art “camps”.

ART HISTORY REVISION.

2008-04-11T04:35:00.000-07:00

okay. i have NO MICROSOFT OFFICE WORD.

so typing it ALL here.

WAH - 2nd Sem.

Baroque:
SPAIN, ITALY
Velasquez Las Meninas - Sovereign Spectator Artist Subject
Vermeer & Gendered Interiors, Film and Painting
FLANDERS, HOLLAND
Rembrant and the Body (by John Berger)

Enlightenmemt, Reactions, Rejections and Legacies: Rococo
Gender/Race/Class Representations, Images of People, Art & Science, Art & The Academy

Enlightenment, Reactions, Rejections and Legacies: Revolution
Art & Politics, Images of the People, Art vs Art

NEO CLASSICISM-ROMANTICISM: The Slp of Reason creates Monsters
Art & Politics, Art and The Other, Art & Science

ROMANTICISM & It's Legacy I
The work of Representation, Representation, Cultural Representations and Signifying Practices: On Charcot's paintings/photographs of Female hysterics
"A man with tousled hair", on Gericaults portraits from the asylum
Romanticism, Science, Photography, Empiricism, Romanticism, Madness

ROMANTICISM & It's Legacy II ROMANTICISM & the Other at Home & Abroad
"The spectacle of the Other" Representation, Cultural Representations, Signifying Practices
Romantic Legacy in C19 SEAsian colonial/nationalist painting
Gender Race Class and Landscapes

ROMANTICISM - REALISM PHOTOGRAPHY
Manet & Courbet on "The Modern World"

PHOTOGRAPHY-IMPRESSIONISM:
Light Colour & the Snapshot
Theories of Light, Colour
Significances of Japonism

POST IMPRESSIONISM
C20 Significances of the Fabulous Four (and one more): Gaugin, Van Gogh, Cezanne, Seurat (and Munch)

my friends.

2008-03-22T07:27:00.000-07:00

i decided to blog cos...

oh screw it.

i just do what i feel like cos of N20 today.

and.. cos i LOVE my BREAKTHROUGH drawing.

last wed - 18 march was a great day for me.

i completed my drawing -RECONNECTION.

i had to do my fdn final project. So i choose to do old master's transcriptions. Initially deliberating between Leonardo Da Vinci's Last Supper and Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel. I choose the Sistine Chapel cos 1) Last Supper's surviving quality is really bad. 2) there are so many ppl and comlipcations in the drawing. 3) Michelangelo's personality rocks my socks.

When i studied Michelangelo's life - his diva-getting away and not thrown to jail-being sensible to earn money-struggled agasint his family clan's belittling of his craft-telling the pope off-yet serving 3 popes in his lifetime - even the pope was scared of him - his unltra bitchy attention to details - talented but dealing with depressions and feeling alone - though he is highly sought after-dealing with his perceived insults and attacks from "enemies" like Raphael, and the appointed Architect of his time. I simpy admire how when he is challenged (or he thinks he is) - like his desire to create a beautiful sculpture for the pope's tomb - he was shifted to work on the impossibly Sistine Chapel which bore all the marks of the greatest artists of his time and the before him. When frustrated by incapable infrastructure as provided by the architect and perceived spying by raphael - He created his own scaffold, worked with his trusted group of disciples - shut the pope out from viewing his work (what audacity!! i like!! hahah) and painted the lovely chapel in 4yrs time. He is fast, perfectionistic and madly bold - always problem solving - though he is plagued with thoughts of being alone.

i really admire michelangelo. His talent is tangible. He have the skills of the sculptor - but it is his sensitivity towards creating his subject matter that made him a star - just looking his breathtaking Pieta. His ideas of making mother mary look so young, so gentle, so perfect. Jesus - though dead in his mothers arms - his features so soft, though God - yet humanly physical and the pain of his sufferings on the cross - as bore in cravings on his arms and legs after cruxification. Jesus though dead - is at peace and even bliss - cos he have triumphed death and completed the task that God have set before him. He did what he thought best - regardless of the norm. He broke the rules and set new trends.

Thats the reason for his success - He did not approached the painting of the Sistine Chapel as a painter - but he did it with the eyes of the Sculptor. Though he is lacking his frescoes painting know-how - he succeeded. Greater than any other masters of all time and even till now.

Michelangelo made no excuses - he had almost no support from the pope, his architect was a real irritant - giving his a lousy infrastructure for the saking of giving smthg - the up and rising Raphael was hot on his heels to take over his superstar artist status. He did not know about frescoes, he had to paint the ceiling - imagine the pain inflicted on his neck and back!! and he perserved - with the strong pride and discipline of a true master.

whatever it is - i painted the moment when God gave life to Adam.

Initially, i meant it as a homework - to complete the assignment and score that A.

Before i start waving my charcoal across my paper - i held my charcoal and prayed. I prayed that i will be able to deliver and draw the way God wants me to - to portray what He wants - on such a sensitive matter.

I did it in colour and discarded it. Cos the conte sticks and white chalk is throwing me off. So i restarted. It was a long drawing - but i felt so motivated to complete it. 16plus hours excluding tonal studies draft.

And as i approach the end of my drawing - a strong deja vu hit me. and i just stopped in my tracks to admire everything. He revealed it earlier to me in a dream - little did i know - but He knows. =)

this drawing is based on the moment when God gave life to Adam. In the end, this drawing is a personal statement - Adam reconnecting back with God.

Look at my strokes of Adam's hand - rough and textured.

God's hand is smooth and well blended.

What i mean is - no matter how rough, uncouth and how much mistakes you made - be it physically or internally - God is always waiting for you to reconnect back with Him.

Adam emerge out of his chaos into God's blanket of peace.

Adam's roughness and mistakes are received by God's gentle love.

God is always waiting for you to reconnect back to Him.

When i looked at the drawing from a distance - a strong bible verse hit me -

Hebrews 12:2

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

then i realised - Jesus, who took to the cross and made it possible for man to reconnect back to God - He was willing to rough it out and take the mistakes of all men - and so Jesus came back to God, bearing all the pain of man - unto God's awaiting embrace.

scorning its shame. Now i get it!

Jesus removed the shame of sins and mistakes so that man can reconnect back with God - this is an addition to my original interpretation - of how Jesus disregarded the shame of being cruxified and humilated by Herod and the pharisees to take on the task set by God with strength and love for people.

i worked so hard - i felt faint at one point while storing my work - that i have to stop and breathe. felt so faint.

and knowing how stress i was - super nice eric, offered to take me for a spin around boon lay.

Thanks eric! =) though dogs are scary and a slpy driver is scarier! =P

aND yes, N20.

though we dont really talk much these days - cos i guess lack of common topic...

but it is sweet of them to celebrate my bday.

the card is really smashing =)

2008-02-27T08:07:00.000-08:00

just a silent poetry that came and stayed with me again today. maybe it is part of growing up to be a lady. different from how i used to be from the past.

but what made me write this post was when i remember two things; one spoken, the other written.

a thousand shall fall on your left. ... ...
when we first started.... and so many had left. ... ...

i cant help but wonder, am i becoming like one of them. cos i know that i dont want to.
but i lack the discipline to do what is required of me.

and it shows. in everything i do. strangely - except for art.

and then another set of words came.
the parable of the sowers. abt how everyone goes thru all 4 stages. and not the entire group is split into 4.

the 4 stages.

the jump i have to make.

the side of me who wants to just stay and remain,.

the other side who jolts ever so awake and wants to do what she used to be.

i just know.

take me back to yjc.

where i can smile

from my heart.

so far.

2008-01-13T02:27:00.000-08:00

my ntu results are okay, a gpa of 4.08 out of 5.00. 2nd upper class honours standing.
3a-s, 2b+s, 1b-.

i feel really weakened now.
i feel very weak.
i feel like fainting.
i feel breathless.

frankly, i feel worried.
i feel very worried.

i wonder was it an overdose of tetenus jabs.
cos i was given one by ntu medical centre after i got cut by a rusty blade in 3d class.
i just wished that 3d class will be safer.
if only jeffery will tell us what we are doing for every class.

so i will bring my protective gears like gloves to protect myself from cuts,
masks to prevent us all from breathing in styrofoam granules.
all of us start coughing once we work. i had so much breathing difficulties when i work in the 3d lab. it is so terrible. so dangerous.

in my friend's words - "3d shortens our lives".

yet, i still wanna do product design.
but it is ironic when we are designing in a VERY unsafe environment.

back to the jabs.
i received one on fri, after i felt faint on thurs, after i got cut.
feeling worried, i went to ntu medical centre for a check.
the doc suggests that i get a tetenus jab - "just in case", together with a cream to prevent scarring on my hands.
the doc issued me with a tetenus cert, which is valid for 10 yrs.

but now

a simple talk with my mom, i realised that i might have received a jab from sgh when my toe was injuried. i say "might" cos sgh did not issue any tetenus cert to me, i have no record on paper or whatsoever of did i receive a jab from sgh or not.

frankly, i am worried if i have an overdoes of the jab. really. if i get a jab from sgh, it will be on 11/10/2007. while fri is 11/01/08.
one of the symptoms of tetenus is breathless, arching of backbone etc.
if i get a lockjaw, that means i have an overdose.

but i wonder will it be too late then when an overdose is discovered.

i hope everything will be fine. lets just hope that the tetenus jab's contents are watered-down.

there shld be a medical record and certification issued to the patient, a universal medical record!! for every vaccines, jabs given. for the patient's record. for the patient's sake. and not leave everything to memory.

i dont want to be a liability to my family. thats why i dont say a single word to my parents - for fear of being scolded. i dont want to be a burden to them.

Oh night divine

2007-12-21T11:36:00.000-08:00

Oh holy night

i rem'ber how that song touched me so deeply.
in my first candle light christmas in chc.

O Holy night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Til He appeared and the soul felt it's worth

but what really touch my heart is the line:

Fall on your knees

i dont quite know how to explain this.
i am not sure if words can give justice to the feelings,
the strong emotions i felt when i heard this line.

but all i can say is, i felt so grateful, so deeply touched, that i simply dont know how to thank God enough, i simply dont know how to thank Jesus for his unselfishness - except to fall on my knees in deep honor and reverence of his love.

it felt, that under such perfect love, the strength in my legs went weak, that in such perfect love, i simply wept. For the privilege that pours itself upon me, with no with-holding back.

this line is certainly not a command.

it just felt, after God's grace and blessings - particularly Christ, the least, the very least you can do, is to honor God on bent knees.

To rem'ber Christ Jesus' birth. The most beautiful gift of all.

i had wanted to discuss The Scientist's reports on humans's 4 space message to aliens and how astrophysicists wanna write a new exciting message on democracy to entice aliens to reply etc. i wanted to comment on how there is a lack of proper disposal system for hazardous waste like batteries and mp3 players. The growing concerns on the predicted global food shortage by 2021? (correct my date if i am worong) - how seeing cold storage's advert of "you got the whole world in your hands" and anthony bourdain's desscription of singapore - as an edible pinball - how and why it disturbs me, and now i understand why.,

but i will leave it to another time.

cos for now, nthg is more impt than reminding myself and thanking God for His precious son.

Oh night - Divine! Oh night, when Christ was born.

i am richly blessed.

2007-12-19T21:27:00.000-08:00

granny hospitalised.
food poisoning hit me.
tummy hurts!

but i am richly blessed.

though the going is tough
but just thinking abt the blessing He has poured upon me
i am deeply grateful.

the period - when i felt so away from God

i just need time.

but what makes me tick, was when this great sister of mine is alws thankful to God - for every little things.

She expressed her thanks to God for the small things, in front of other believer... i guess she dun wanna be freaky to non believers.

but really

her attitude of Thanksgiving. Constant thanksgiving - touches me and reminds me that i should do that too.

i must admit i am stunned by God myself...

it was just earlier this yr, or late last yr. that i had a strange dream.
So strange, it stuck in my head. it did not fade away like other dreams.
So vivid, with all the details and colours.

and this dream rang true, deja vu, one day when i was in sch.
when i was in the midst of all that crap happening to me.
so much so i am hit by the fact that, when things look so bad, dont worry.

He is walking beside you.

and just thinking of how things are being done around me, i must say, i am richly blessed.

i want to rem'ber your love.

2007-12-02T09:45:00.000-08:00

I never felt so far away from God.

This indifference in heart, is frightening.

So much as happened, i simply want to sit down, stay silent and do nothing. just nothing.

so much so,

i know what happened, i rem'ber the pain.

i wish to say i can walk over it.

but

i rem'ber God's grace and His love

yet

it does not have any effect on my indifferent heart.

this test. is really, the greatest yet

and now i know.

it really makes me evaluate myself as a christian

and question things right at it's heart.

so much change in emotions and situations in this 2 mths alone.

as yr 2007 is drawing to a close - looking back, it has been a roller coaster ride. I have experienced 2 miracles, felt a great deal of hurt, witness God's anointing upon me, felt His pain upon my eyes, experieneced and survived the second test, now walking in my 3rd test.

what a yr.

God, it is really tough. to walk this path of faith. it is so painful. too painful.

this disappointment is totally shocking, but real.

pain.

i experienced so much. now i know how it feels.

but i refuse to ask Him to cut my cross.

my fractured toe. episode.

2007-10-19T10:39:00.000-07:00

i am finally back.

a million things running thru my brain.

1) i decided to set aside time for THIS luxury - BLOGgin! much like my new indulgence for nails. cos frankly, i am so tied up by school work. but i just smile and do what i can, one step at a time.

2) i clicked in my blog, thinking that it is dormant.

3) i am surprised to see that there is 1 comment in my previous entry

4) i am happy. and gingerly clicked to see who said what

5) i cautioned byself against hopes that it is another spammer, advertising their whatevers.

6) i am glad to know it is KKY! =)

well KKY dear, read on to see my reply k? lots happened. LOTS.

*NB: if you are pressing for time, just read up on estherbuzz, but if you wanna know more, read on estherspeaks. if you are dying to spend your cash, spend it on me! buy me things listed on estherlikes*.

estherbuzz:

HALL 8:

I am officially, BLOCK REP for blk 44.

GROUP LEADER FOR X-Clan. 2007 - 2008/09 orientation.

we were slammed for our relatively well-run block supper, which felt unjust.

i know 70% of ppl in my level. (sadly, i cant say that for my entire block)

i wanna make the foreigners feel more welcomed, and invited to join in activities.

my gd friend call me all sorts of names in jest, but most agree that i am Energiser Bunny.

i am even more highlighted cos of my fractured toe. screwkz.

i enjoy my time in hostel lots. really ;)

My neighbours are A) HAPPENING B) kind to me! =D thank God for them!
Seriously, you need God in every relationships, to make it work.

ADM:

I am officially, ASSOCIATE SPECIAL PROJECTS OFFICER.

Workload is high. but i am aiming high as well. so maybe too much self-induced stress.

Class is mature, but cliques are clear.

i can DRAW with my LEFT HAND.

ADM CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP kicks off. *claps* Here we come!

i FRACTURED MY TOE in school.

i see alot clearer in people's personality ever since my factured toe.

my closer friends are nice ppl. they are versatile and fun. ;)

song song i is cute, cherlyn is nice, but she is really funny! desmond is nice, shian is strong, wei lian is mature and you know what? they all pack a punch!

Everyone can see me from a distance. Cos of me walking with clutches. My classmates piggback, carry me from ADM to LT 1A, can A to ADM. i bet most ppl have seen me. *screwkz*

Current status:

Fractured toe

Sore throat. that hurts so bad, i can cry

Fever, headache

Exams, presentations and project submissions in 1-2 weeks time. *screwkz* NO! i will do it well!

lots of work. headache makes me grumpy. but i still wanna deliever quality.

i so need DISCIPLINE. in my prayer life.

estherspeaks:

Hall life:

I really think, the favour of men is upon me in hall 8. But above all, i think being a block rep has really opened doors for me. I am more exposed to hall activities. Indeed, it has been tiring and downright hectic for me. There was the block banner, block supper to organise - and the next 3, block fund collections, block t-shirt etc. BLOCK DECORATIONS! and i am welfare rep. lol. when i think i need welfare myself.

BLOCK REP:

I am glad to say that my team can work well together. that, i heard is a rare blessing. We stayed up like crazy to get things done. The banner is indeed, beautiful / k, there are 2 admers. then not forgetting the lantern fest deco - which we spent a gd 12 hrs. We started at 12 midnight, target to end by 2am, during one of our recess days. But we ended by stopping at 6am, location, fine-tune etc, wrap up at 6.30 am - sleep and wake up at 2pm. i rem'ber waking up thinking about how my plans for the day is like, *screwkz*. then we finally meet up at friday, recess. to paste it on the walls. i really hope it will not peel the paint off the walls! But at the end, it paid off. cos we are the winners for the lantern fest deco! yes, we so need the $100 cash prize, cos our block is really small and really broke.

I get to know alot more ppl and somehow, it is auto-socialising for me with the residents. Socialising just happens, cos of my position. Which can take alot of my precious time away. Frankly, when sch started, time slipped by like sand thru my fingers. i usually end up slping at 2am, cos either i talk to ppl or ppl come talk to me. but now, i am adapting better. more control of my time. =) I am glad to know the ppl living near me. cos it makes life so much more interesting in uni =)

As for block supper, i did the advertising for it. C'mon, we even have proper advertising. others had none! Still, we were slammed for not doing enough. I do agree that more can be done. But in all fairness, for first-timers, we did very well. So i am not apologetic about it. Somehow, i am comforted by the fact that it is a team of us facing this. not me alone.

Block fund collection is tiring. but, at least it is done by a team =) whee. my blk reppys are working.

and.... i really thank God for giving me wisdom in handling human relations. i learnt alot when i think about... aiyoh, how arh/. then the thought came: What would Jesus do? indeed, it is a powerful and calming thought process. In retrospect, i did handle it well. =) Human relations. handle with tack and respect.

_ end of block rep.

people refer me as energiser bunny cos my energetic disposition, even when everyone seems to be very tired and sleepy, i can still keep my spirits high and rally everyone around. *giggles*

recently, my fractured toe - it really caused a whoo-ha. i have repeated my ordeal at least 20 times. But i am really fortunate to have wonderful neighbours. Mark, you rock! On tue, when i came back alone from the polyclinic, he was outside his room, just chilling. upon seeing me, hobbling away with my clutches while slinging my bag, he quickly came over, took my bag and walked back slowly with me to my room. *along the way, ernest asked in loud exclamation: what happened to you?! and ben came and asked me how am i doing now, before quipping that i am fortunate to have 3 guys escorting me back to my room, right.* and right on, he asked me what was my lesson's time and place for tmr - offered to send me to sch everyday. i was stunned for a moment. but quickly accepted the offer, cos i really need it. imagine a normal 5 min walk from my room to adm, now takes me 45 mins. what abt s3.1? it is insane! He is really humourous, he smsed me and said: hey so tmr what time is your class? YOU OWE ME BIG TIME WHEN YOU RECOVER! lol.

but frankly, i am still surprised that he did. cos we seldom talk! other than the usual polite acknowledgement and other small talks which stem from me as block rep. Still, it is great and a gd chance to know Mark. =) i think he offered me cos he saw how jia lat i am, struggling away.

wanna see him? lol. Catch HAll 8 jam band in NUS, nov 2 - for StompAids. Mark is the vocalist, johnathan is the drummer. the rest of the band, stays in my blk as well, cept for grace and derek.

While Ben, he will promptly tell me to stop "walking" and quickly source out a "roller" chair for me. While offering to buy dinner for me, since it is not a gd idea for me to walk out for dinner. *smiles* i am glad to talk more with him that tue. after he told me all abt his church hopping, and his thoughts towards chc. And after telling me ALL that, he was like, "you havent told me which church you come from, pls dont tell me chc" LOL!. i simply smiled and explained some misconceptions and urge him to settle down in a church which suit him best.

and...

I celebrated my roomie's birthday yesterday! =D

i designed the card, got my neighbours to sign and asked them to buy the cake! They were so noisy preparing outside and i have to station myself around the door, to prevent her from opening the door before me! hah! but in the end, we manage to surprise her =) The gals came, i switched off the lights, we sang happy bday and with lit candles, shared the cake and talked crap - while i eventually did my painting in the midst of it all. but i am glad i initiate the bday celebration - it is the least i can do, after all the help she rendered me during my fractured toe incident. alas, we did not take photos.

ADM:

Okay, i am seriously blessed to have Associate Special Proj Officer. Becos they created this post for me. I am honoured. And thru my 2 mths plus time here, i have learnt alot as a ASPO. How NTU works and generally, how things are done at this level.

2 Mths plus. Such a SHORT TIME! but i have improved leaps and bounds in here. It is really challenging in drawing class and 2d class. I am really developing my artistic style and finding my natural strenghts. But above all, what triggers me to think and explode in my artistic strengths and ability. not forgetting, the discovery of my left hand's ability to draw. In bridget's words: you can draw well with both your left and right hand =). But she adds that, i have a gd critical eye, but mean self-critical voice. *smiles* but i am really thankful that my style is emerging. hopefully, by one glance, you can tell what is mine by my energetic strokes and marks. Above all, the time here is enjoyable. It is true that some are burning up. I almost did. But i took a breather and told myself, that i shld enjoy myself in all that i do. When i am drained, my paper reminds me - is God not the source of all ideas and fun, joy? *just this thought alone preps me up to keep going*

ADMers have more than just a nice sch. we have rocking teachers who allow us to call them by their names, joke alot - some "harass" us to get us moving in our work's quality. but pls keep the library spaces for ADMers! *k, now that i got that out*

okie, now to the thing that most ppl are constantly asking me about.

FRACTURED TOE:

summary -

wed about 9.30 - the drawing board which is really heavy and elevated to my stomach level, slammed against my left big toe. the impact so great, the wooden sole of my balinese slipper cracked. it bled profusely. so painful, i cant talk.
wed 11pm - my clasmates sent me to the nearest clinic, the doc cant tell me anything, did nthg except cleanse my wound, bandage it and charge me 65.30 for it. he did not stop my bleeding or refer me for x-ray though he knows of the impact.
thur - 2-4pm ntu medical centre concluded it is internal injury at first glance, yank out my toe nail. sent me to jurong point for x-ray
thur - 4.45pm. x-ray shows a fracture.
thur - night: in SGH, fixing up my toe.
thur - night Discharge with 24 pillls to pop per day. Walking with clutches, gotta change dressing every 2 days.
Currently: toe hurts. and i pray for good medical care!

*really tired, update uploaded later*

How do you deal with death?

2007-09-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

How do you deal with death?

It started with the show Million Dollar Baby – the lead actress is now incapable of moving on her own – a mocking to her glorious days of winning boxing matches with much gusto.

My current writing – I don’t wanna call it essay – will look in detail on 2 topics. Namely, the right to die, the handling of the body and the endless debate between death and diginity.

This is a much heavy topic which I don’t like to discuss but I think it is necessary to.

Mom has told us once and she mentioned it again – how when she reached a stage of immobility – she would like to be placed in an old folks home and not be a burden to anyone. Then she brought up the subject of how the burial of one’s dead involved a yearly maintanence of prayer – a religious tradition. The sad state of how gradually, people don’t make time to do that. The tomb is left forgotten. Abandoned. I got her point. She mentioned once that she would like to be cremated and her ashes scattered over the sea.

I hate it whenever she mention such things. Maybe I am not ready to take it all. I am just trying to avoid this whole process of growing up. When the bills starts coming in, I have to take responsibility like an adult – but most of all, face knotty issues which a child is protected from. It is an awakening – unpleasant, but necessary – and undeniable but to be well-equipped one has to take it strong.

I am simply at loss at how to deal with death. It never existed or seems real to me as a child.

The question of death vs dignity.

Simply put, how one would like to die a dignified death – by exercising their last right – the right to live – by choosing to die. For some, this is their only redemption point in their lives. And some did it well – just think about how a villain died a hero by saving a child at the eleventh hour of his life.

But for some, having lived or be out of control – choose to redeem what is left of their dignity – by doing within their control. Girls faced with the danger of rape – choose to kill themselves by biting their tongue. It is a painful process – they have to bite slowly, determined. Enduring the self-inflicted pain with the sole drive of seeking death. Maybe this slow process of death was a numbing effect to their wretched situation – it takes their mind off the terror? Since they cant protect their body, they will seek to protect their soul and dignity.

I would rather bite the attacker than myself.

Somehow, it feels like my treatment of these topics made it flat and lose it’s intensity.

and i hope i will not embarass myself by drawing

2007-08-17T12:19:00.001-07:00

this is my first post since uni life started for me. OFFICIALLY.

the pt being, having joined NTU ADM FOC and HALL 8 FOC, back to back - i am packed in my schedule.

Ppl often asked me why i am crazy enough to join BOTH. in fact, "why are you so ON?". Simple, since i am only a freshmen once in a lifetime, i might as well live it up. I throughly enjoyed myself in the camps. Especially ADM FOC. With og 8 - "Hey MUAH CHEEs!" and "SLUT SLUT SLUT".
those who know me well are flabbergasted at the thought of the last 3 words from my mouth. Worry not. it was my group's codename during one of our blindfold games.

ADM camp rocks my socks - totally. we were the LOUDEST. we even played "put your right foot in, put your right foot out and shake it all around..." when blindfolded. We found each other when the ogls seperate us - by screaming our famous MUAH CHEEs. I know og 8 was the talk of the adm foc this yr. Be it for gd and bad reasons. and hey, we even won the best skit - though i was sadly not there to act and have a gd laugh over it. And who can forget the SLIDE. yes, the freshmen were put into this "shower" where we slide along the ADM GRASSY SLOPE - on canvas, topped with lots of soap water and foam. we screamed silly random stuffs like I LOVE ADM and i am handsome/beautiful etc. It was cold but fun. what abt AMAZING RACE? yep - including having one of the best scores around and generally doing fun stuffs as a team - nevermind the temporary embarassment.

i am in dinosuars! and there was this battle betwn the androids and dinos. our famous chant was Die Androids Die! - with other cheers like "we crush them till their screws are loose and turn them into metal juice".

the irony was, everytime the opposing team win, we will do "3 cheers for og _ " then after that, we will chant Die Androids Die! =P

Gosh. ADM FOC takes the cake.

then there was hall camp. HALL 8.

i missed out quite alot cos i had to leave on certain days - like to rest for QET, attend FOP etc.
yes, thinking back - i wished i had leave for sat's instead of fri. cos i really wanna do the amazing race. you only do that ONCE IN A LIFETIME!

Hall 8's camp was more girl-boy orientated and physical exhausting. while adm was more mental. adm requires great thinking - even for fright night. while hall 8 simply made us walk thru old changi hospital. but still, it is gd to know more peeps in hostel. and yep, can see romancing and hahah, friendships blossoming.

thank goodness both guys in adm and hall 8's camp are mature. mostly at least.

because of my hostel camp - i stayed in the hostel room a week be4 most peeps. BUT, i was still sleeping in a sleeping bag
even up till week 2! i BET I am the ONLY one who did that! any hooray! hall 8 have new mattress and even pin system for female toilets! =D best part, right across the road from ADM!

whoo la lala..

that is the end of my into.

i wanna say, i am seriously considering running for leadership positions. BUT, i am unsure which one shld i run for. it is HALL 8 JCRC or ADM's student club?

ADM is now calling for the top 6 positions - the management commitee. I am interested in the Hon Gen Sec. but having spoke to ying - the hon gen sec for the past 2 yrs, i am seriously considering Special Projects Head as well. Cos well, my portfolio fits that =)

ADM submission deadline is 20 august. coming really soon - next monday.

while JCRC is coming up to. Most peeps tell me that i shld go for publicity. cos i am in the RIGHT course - ADM.

the best part, God did not answer me where shld i go!

I know i am in the right place at the right time. I am certain. God gave me 2 fantastic deja vus of me 1) being in hall 8 activites - our mini amazing race part 1 (on our train back to chalet) and 2) contacting summer on des' interest in going 2007 JASH for the joint hall bash. While i was sitting in adm lib and doing some email checks.

suddenly, as i typed this - a thought hit me. Read and base my decisions upon the deja vus. Whoa. that is revelational. Anyway, i cant serve two masters. I must choose to focus on one - either ntu or adm. still thinking here.

i am really sleepy. just with ya all another time. night.

2007-07-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

andy warhol was called a voyuer because he is openly gay.
if he wasnt, would ppl have refer him as a player?
Together with superstars, they fooled a university and urged students to drop out of college - during an invited speaker event.

georgia O keefe married a married man.
they painted their love in the much-talked-about nude photos series
was she celebrating her love out of pure joy
or out to scandalous and scare his ex-wife away?
afterall, she is more beautiful physically.
was art used to exercise psychological battles?

i am intrigued.

how do artists deal with emotions.
we all have our set and fix ways.
how was it alws changing with who we are with.

i miss 208. while going thru my stuffs, i can recall those beautiful days of sitting down in the canteen. i will join them for a quick lunch/bite - having slogged hard in the art room.
and i will quickly scribble things down upon learning for a general paper assignment.
everyone will be busy writing or rather copying. puay yong will be quiet. shing yang will be cracking lots of jokes - taking full advantage of yilong beside him or opposite him. siang poh and shahz will sit facing each other. wahlene and peiling will be beside each other, gabriel + tianjie and xianglong will be out looking for sch stuffs to fix. or new rooftop to conquer, to eating their favourite wantan mee together or just looking at anngee. yesheng will be quiet doing maths. ching keng and kai liang will be working on their econs or maths and sit seperately with their jc1 friends. once in a while denise will pop by to chin kheng. i rember how i once called him kin cheng - at the first week of sch - much to the laughter of peiling and shing yang. i rember how peiling posed for a picture with me - while shahz happily pinched my cheeks in that same shot. i rember how i cried my heart out to shahz during feb - as i struggled to keep my grades up. how art brought me so much stress and at the expense of all my other subject grades. how she remarked that she felt that i will be doing better without the frustration in maths. i rember how mr wee once told my mom: she knows her subj, she understands the questions and knows how to answer them. chunshu is a hardworking student. but interestingly, she never seems to score.

i rember how a typical day in yjc brings great joy to me. i may be exhausted by my art. but 208 and 109 lies in my heart. i found myself then. if i can go back to those days. just one more day - to just hang out with the 20 group. i really miss them. truly, madly, badly, deeply.

i may be out of yjc, but yjc is never out of me.

Sentosa outing with NTU peeps!

2007-07-17T12:41:00.000-07:00

NTU CHC is great.

Actually I have spent 1 hr 45 mins typing out a detailed entry on my day camps – 10,11 july and today 17 july’s evangelistic outing. The cbox appeared and wiped everything out! BUT I will retype it. Cos I know, if I don’t do it now, I never will.

So here goes.

8 JULY 2007

A simple call from Joelle to inform me of the NTU CHC day camp. She says I sound like the most enthusiastic freshie. Hee.

10 July 2007.

I met YongSiang at the 179 bus stop. John the other “freshmen” is already there. Fact is, he is direct entry into MAE (Mech) Yr2. Soon, Han Kiong (ADM) came, Joel and Zhi Hao (mike) joined us. Both from CBE. Next, all the other freshmen joined us! Cheryl (MAE, Mech), Louisa (HSS, lit), Sharon (Busn). Zhi Yun, Alvin We mingled and the girls stick together. Well, girls are well, girls. Hahah. Met the seniors and they got everyone to the high by teaching us to play “Si Nu Nai” – Washing Milk. K, that sounds so wrong. Haha. Especially ji nu nai. Lol. Later, we played passing coin in hands. The camp is well planned, everyone is split into different small groups at regular intervals to ensure we can have the chance to speak to everyone. The seniors - shi ying, xiao rong, docas, kim wei aka kim chee, andy, jason, jun xiang, jian cheng, en yao, docas, francis and claris … the list goes on (sorry if I miss out anyone! I am getting sleepy here. 2.25am here! Paiseh!)

I was split into the drama team for a skit presentation. Had to play the female lead – with the two other male lead vying for my attention in the skit. I played a lil bimbotic style – so much easier and entertaining. Hahah, it took my team by surprise. Cos I look so guai, but when I wanna be bimbotic – I can do it so well. Hahah. And by now, the seniors are saying I look like Sylvia and I am similar to her. Hmm, so who is she?

Anyway, I am tickled pink at the slapstick comedy antics in the skit. We are good – to come up with such ideas within 1 day! Especially my “mei you nai, mei you nai” and “I thought we are supposed to be good friends? Haiz, what would jesus do?” portion. I can imagine the laughter the seniors had while watching the recorded video of the skit. I so wanna get a copy of it – hmhm… get it from julian and jian cheng. Cos I know I wont behave like this again.

And by the end of the day, the seniors are saying that I look like Sylvia (especially when she smiles – kim chee.) and I even sound like her ( at the suggestion of one male senior and andy’s confirmation). Hui Fen (joelle) also commented that my “pattern” is similar to her. Lol. This is getting me intrigued.

Of course, not to forget the great word from Brother Darren =)

11 July 2007

Went to JW CHC early. Wait for Louisa. Head down together.

Got to realise that Jeremy IS a freshmen (Busn) – I kept thinking he is yr 2. Got to know Qing Ping (did I get it right?) (Computer Sci) and Paulus (ADM). We re-intro ourselves and start the day by playing this crazy game called h2o. Where we had to secure a “O”. I even dragged a senior across a room – with another girl. Lol.

Then, we h ad a great word from Brother Darren. I am impacted by 3 things.

1) The concept of PROBABILITY. The chances of closing a deal successfully – 10%. Therefore, actually whenever we asked ppl and face rejection – we just have to tell oursevles that it is one down! And at the 9^th rejection (out of 10 peeps), tell yourself, Whoo Lah Lah, the next person wont be able to resist me!

2) I will not forget the smile on Brother Darren’s face. NTU ministry was started in 2002. No one is saved in year 2007 itself. Everyone is saved up till 2006 – in that room at least. Everyone is saved and in God’s plan even before we saved, for this time in NTU, to bring revival. Indeed, in this year 2007, NTU WILL see it’s biggest revival ever =) It is not just about praying. We must put it into action. Our plans, faith, strategy etc

But how do you know when revival comes? Have you seen revival? Do you know what it is? How do you measure it? Are you praying for it when it comes in your face? Revival starts one life at a time, and eventually lots of ppl getting saved together. Brother Darren shared how he had a great time in his generation – saving 60 ppl during his first yr in NJC. And in uni, his friend managed to increase ministry’s attendance by 50% - single handedly! Becos he will arrange to meet ppl to have tea or lunch whenever is his free time. By sowing seeds into ppl’s life, he actually brought in the harvest!

Now here on Earth, everyone is a precious unique puzzle. It may not be obvious what role and importance we have – as of right now. But when we get to heaven, it is crystal clear that without everyone, the puzzle is never complete. Everyone is important – for a specific role, a specific purpose and calling.

You never know who did not make it to heaven because you did not do your part.

3) When I see Docas, she is left with only 6 mths in NTU. She is in her Final Year, yet she is still so involved in the NTU ministry. What about me – a freshman? What am I contributing to and doing for the NTU ministry? when I have so much more time compared to her? I am inspired by her. When I see her, I can sense this strong conviction to do my best for the NTU ministry. Let it not be a quick flame that passes with time Lord, but put me as a pillar of the NTU ministry – to serve ppl with the gifts. To serve and take up responsibility for the NTU ministry. Indeed, I will run with the vision. Revival in the next 6 mths. In 2007.

Did saturation later that day with Jason. We did our best, but most hostel rooms are closed. Oh well. This is my first saturation and well, it is rare to find harvester with saturation experience – cos chc seldom does this now. But a good experience nonetheless. =)

Played captain’s ball and head off to prayer meeting… and I just realized, I am the only one from JOL zone in NTU!

TODAY – 17 JULY 2007.

Got to know more peeps. San San ( Physics – possibly the only girl in this yr’s physics cohort), Sze Wing (HSS, Lit), Simon and Wai. Chatted with han kiong (fellow dinosaur!) while waiting at HarbourFront MRT – he can be really chatty when you get to know him better. Haha.

Found francis, claris and Jason in the sapphire pavilion. Did the zero point rubber band as asked by Jason, finished it up and went to look for the girls – Sze Wing, San San, Sharon and Zhi Yun. Helped to create more waterbombs. =) Wah, our’s got sand inside! POWER~ lol. can imagine the malaysian accent liaoz. Haha.

Soon, the china students came and we joined in the games. Got to break into small groups for our orientation games. Jian Cheng – is the leader of Bumble Bee! He in his bright yellow shirt. I got to know Wang Ye (Same surname!) and Tracy. And other guys like Zhi Yong and Simon (Singaporean). Frankly, I can recall the other china guy’s faces, but I cant rem’ber their names! =P *feels bad*

We had lots of mad crazy fun. And it is a great way to get to know them. We started in siloso beach. And moved around sentosa. By now, I got to know a ADM SENIOR! Gi Gi ! =D (fellow harvester) The seniors (or rather, non-freshmen, not freshmeat. Lol. Haha) have started to dunk the guys (initially), and the girls into the sea. Normally, you need 4 ppl to dunk one into the sea. But andy have demonstrated how he can dunk a girl into a sea – singlehandedly. By carrying lynette in! wah!

Bumble Bee had just wrapped up our last game at palawan beach. We relish at the sight of our game master – en yao getting dunked again! Just as I was walking back from the coastline towards the inner banks, I can hear some whispers ard me. But I did not think much. =P and when I realized how “eeee…!!!” palawan is – BLACK sand, MURKY waters, I was throw off balanced! With en yao (at my feet), lynette (my left hand), jian cheng and andy dragging me to the sea!! I did not struggle much, cos frankly, I don’t mind being dunked. I just asked that my specs be removed.

Wah! They even tried to lower while bringing me across the beach – so that my butt touch the sand. Jian Cheng is smart enough to realise that I “lock” my body so that my butt wont touch the sand easily. And finally, they throw me in. With me trying to hold my breath. But it does not help. I still end up with salty (and filthy) seawater over my mouth and nose. Gosh, palawan IS the most dirty beach around!

The moment I got out, I was SO unglam. I immediately said, “hao chang arh! Ke yi gan jing dian mah? ) ( so dirty! Can have cleaner water next time?) – with a real loud voice. Blech. I bet I am so unlady-like. Yikes! All that dirt! Lynette happily pushed a handful of sand INTO my shirt. (Thankfully at the back). While back at shore, En yao released a handful of sand over my head and the back of my shirt. Wah!!

Imagine sand up to my teeth.

But I really don’t mind being dunked. In fact, I secretly wished for it from the start. I guess God knows it and made it happen thru the Hoy Spirit. Afterall, when do you have the chance to have such good fun? University might be the last chance to savour it all before we are swept into the busy adult working life. Might as well have it all the way. Whoo! maybe they can see that I am sporting enough and simply, they rember my name, and I am RIGHT in front of them, wearing a DARK coloured shirt. Yes, I am the ONLY freshmen to be dunked. (the rest quickly hid themselves behind the bank upon seeing my fate)

Me and lynette spend a great deal of time to rinse the dirt off us. All that sand! The amount pf sand on lynette's hair is really enough to make a statement! After the washing up, went to have dinner in vivocity. Andy and Kim Chee tried to talk us into becoming flyers. Cant avoid it eh? Especially Sharon – who weighs 38 kg! After that, head home with the purple line peeps – Sharon (hougang), Sze Wing (pungol) and Han Kiong (Potong Pasir).

In conclusion, today IS fruitful. I enjoyed myself lots and I am glad to say I am sure the rest did too =) The seniors did great planning and went about this work unselfishly – sacrificing their time (which can be spent on shopping or mugging, catching up on rest). This is the end of the orientation camp, but it is also the start of blossoming friendships to come. To do what we can – to show God’s love to them, through us.

This is the start of my work in NTU ministry.

This is the start of my spiritual legacy in NTU.

thoughts. 10 touchpoints.

2007-07-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

i remove the cbox becos it is stifling me.

spent 3 days to complete a design proposal. I registered for 10touchpoints. I did my design. I am confident of my ideas.

but i did not submit it.

i searched deep within myself.

Yes, besides the fact that i have super limited time. But i think from the start, i was rather held back. At the back of my head - i have already admitted defeat - to myself. To an invisible enemy i did not see. And i know why, i allowed myself to doubt my ability.

Maybe my justifications for not submitting are excuses. just shying away. but there is no denial that it is FRUSTRATING when i have so much bubbling ideas - yet i dont know how to present it professionally - all that rendering etc. How to market it. And i dont seems to be able to find anyone reliable to help me, teach me.

Of course, i know i alone bear it all on my shoulder. If i cant find solutions, i should make one.

And i asked, why.

Was the design proposal in vain? No. Because i have learnt so much just by going thru the design process itself. in fact, i am surprised that i can work out a card that works like a key-lock system, yet still remove the bugging problem in every key-lock system. And my proposed design on the changes to the inner structure. I am working inside out. I know this idea is revolutional. I can sense the practicality and high feasibility. In fact, as i toil in the late night, i can sense the design exciting me with it's infinite possibilites.

But i held back and allow myself to doubt. Yet, my concerns are true - how can i stand against the professional rendered design proposals? how can i capture their imaginations within 2 mins with some child-like scrawls? i need the right software, skills and equipments. Without the right presentation, how can i communicate my excitements and delights in this design across to the judges?

but still, i do wish i had been more gungho and submit. yet, another part of me fears the leak of my ideas - yet without receiving it's full credit due to it's unprofessional presentation.

I cant do design alone. I cant. I need a good team. Really. To push me, to challenge me, to bring me to a higher level. To motivate me, to make me crazy WITH THEM.

You know who you are. my choice team - you know who you are. I am glad i met you and did not let it pass like any other normal friendships. but we went forward to chase a common forbidden dream, in different directions.

If only we had collaborate on this again. We know the normal way of working a proposal out. It is within us - to flow so well with each other and complement perfectly.

It is true, that this is a personal challenge for myself. I know i have found what i wanted to find within myself by undertaking 10 touchpoints in the first place.

Yet, there is alws a but, what if, if only, yet etc.

I wanna find fellow designers who share the same design principles as me. It is so difficult. I am glad i met my choice team. I am glad i found them. We may not move in the same direction - but at least our design principles do not conflict with each other. Yes, no doubt it is different, but our design principles can breathe while still working together.

And this is so precious! Because i can foresee how my design principles may be stifled - by varying factors. And face questions when i work with others. design integrity is more than what we know. some even give their lives for it.

It is so difficult - to maintain our signature style without losing what is demanded of us. Not to lose our relevance in this world, but still remain true.

Include a BDAY CARD!

2007-05-03T03:03:00.000-07:00

i gotta clear out my belongings... all over the place.

maybe i shld be less sentimental and nice and just chuck it all.
as long as it does not help me. out it goes.
collecting dust and occupying space is like... haiz.

i am just sadden that despite all the nice card makings i do for people - i dont receive any group BDAY CARD except for one sweet pretty card from someone sweet.

i dont need anything. A CARD is the BEST for me. More memories, less space - less prone to dust.
and really, you throw away things - but you DONT throw cards. i wont.

Forget all the prezzie k. Either give me Artfriend Cash Vouchers or whatever i listed - smthg cute, and REALLY touching. But whatever you give me, INCLUDE A BDAY CARD!

nothing beats well-wishes written down and the joy of re-reading it again and again when i get older.

i understand this, that is why i do my best to do nice cards for people. BUT DONT TAKE THIS FOR GRANTED.

Just becos i am the one alws doing, so does that mean why my bday comes, you conveniently dont-know-how-to-do? then buy it pls.

Forget whatever bday prezzie. Pls include a BDAY CARD. thanks.

afterall, i need motivation to do cards to! Find it laughable that i give nice cards yet i receive none. when i ensure that everyone does.

Read this, and remember this.

btw, the sweet card - yo know who you are. It is one of the loveliest card i ever received. *smiles*
As for my two buddies who gave me the really touching presents - you guys really surprised me well =D

i believe.

2007-05-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

i dont believe in sitting on things.
i believe in getting things done.
excuses are only excuses. not results.
it does not qualify.

i am not one to sit and cry, whine about the world.
i am a solutions person.

i will run, crawl, fight, grip, dig, punch, write, WHATEVER just for my future. anything - i cant bring myself to do nothing. i will do everything.

because this is MY future.

18 April - Food trek

2007-04-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

2007-04-27T02:41:00.001-07:00

chngtng so good. it can make me sing =)

Sri Sujana Nasi Lemak

2007-04-04T03:28:00.000-07:00

today, i was sent to deliever a document for the Singapore Street Food Masters - Yeo's collaboration campaign.

The Target:

Sri Sujana in Changi Village.

I almost got lost. Was stuck in changi airport in fact. Cos blur me dont know how to get to changi airport's bus terminal. So, i asked.

To cut things short, it looks me a long time. Really. But it was nice to sightsee. I have never been to this part of Singapore before. Really.

Now, the real thing.

Sri Sujana is surrounded by at least 3 stalls selling nasi lemak. But food savvy me ( i hope. haha) knows what is the real thing.

After handing her the documents and doing what is required of my job, i MUST try out this famous stall.

A simple staple consist of the basics: Rice, ikan bilis, sliced cucumbers, egg and fried chicken wing (strictly speaking, chicken wing is not authentic. it should be the fried fish. )

The rice is LIGHT and fluffy! Very rare for nasi lemak rice to be THIS light, cos when they are so laced with pandan taste, it is difficult to balance it nicely. And yet, it is not bland. So fragrant! Shiok arh!

The sambal belachan - how it jumps at your with it's quality fragrance. Even dried anchovies are added in to create contrast in texture. Thoughtful =)

to cut a long story short: i was SO seduced by eating the rice + sambal belachan, i almost forgot about the chicken wing (juicy and thin batter! nice nice), the cripsy anchovies (well fried, thorough), and 2-3 cucumber slices.

Rice and Sambal Belachan - can wipe the thing whole. So tasty!

In conclusion: the time and travel fare is much more than the cost of the rice. But to think of, it was well worth the trip =) those lucky ppl in changi! Cherish this!

$2 for a little piece of Heaven.

If i go overseas, i will daobao 2 kinds of chilli ( heck the immigrations! lol...), Hainanese Chicken Rice chilli and Sri Sujana's sambal belachan.

To get there: From simei Mrt, take bus 9, alight at telok pakur. There should be a big carpark and some aviation academy nearby.

my birthday present

2007-03-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

this is to whom it may concerns:

1) dont give me soft toys
2) flowers are sweet... but .. but... sadly, they dont last
3) i am a art-fanatic

as such these are my lust:

Ong Kim Seng's watercolour guide (look to my other blog entries at a much earlier date)
copic markers of neutral colours for my colouring of product design sketches
beads, beads, beads, eyelets, T-points, hooks, joints and all those beading stuffs
Fred Perry White.
Cinema 4D software
An apple iBook!
A oh-so-pro camera
sony video cam

Okay, the last 4 are ex.

For whom is concerned: if ya really really clueless, pls get me:

$20 vouchers from artfriend or Basheer Books (not any other book stalls except Books_Actually outlets - which is really well-hidden)

talk to the nice people at MAAD so that i can have a gig there - okay, this is getting crazy
buy me a ever-lasting drink at THE Artery so that i can sit all day and watch the beautiful ppl at red-dot design muesum.
sponsor me to open VEIN opposite THE Artery
give me a blank cheque - attached to a big fat account
pick up my bill for Ann Siang Road, Club St. i heart the boutiques there.

hope this helps =)

=) thoughts

2007-03-20T06:19:00.000-07:00

the appeal in hana kimi lies not it's cast.
but in the script.
how it tackles what is the sweetest of love to girls =)

it is not about being wooed and chased - yes that is nice. but what touches the heart is when,

someone is our guradian angel by choice.

how he will pop up
when we need him most
to help us
to confort us
to hear us out
to protect us
to think of/for us
to love us.

and the best part is, when we least expect it, when we did not say a single thing - he knows. sweet.

and finally, the appeal in ladies lies in our strength to look after the other's emotional aspect.

i count my blessings

2007-03-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

I am going through my second testing for my 7 tests.

He knows. I know.

Truly, this one cuts me in my heart and taught me a valuable lesson with a hefty price.

But i learnt - never take ANYTHING for GRANTED.

My fault was not in my actions, but in my attitude
my problem was not in ability, but in choices
it was not a question of directions, but in assumptions

the energy of words. how it jumps and catches you. Lovely.
*yes, random-ness*

Anyway, i just wanna count my blessings.

This is a heavy burden in my heart. I have always wanted to just cry my heart out.
It hurts. so.bad.

BUt i have no where to go.
Really. No where - where i can feel it is okay to cry. Or rather, where i feel trustworthy enough.

Until, saturday. It was a powerful conference.
The presence was tangible and really strong.
Sy Rogers is a great speaker. It is seldom where i meet speakers who impact me and captivate - with orginality in style. (His approach is similar to some others)

"God rather have a messy child - than no child at all"

Right there, right then. During the closing round of praise, i cry out. I brought all my worries. Everything to Him. Afterall, the best way to deal with it is to admit it to Him.

I need His grace, I need His mercy
I need His Hope, I need His peace.

I cant think.

I was once again, delievered. I know it was. But i cant put an exact word to the feelings. I just know i felt a strong surge shoot right thru me, from spine up to my head and straighten me up. I prayed and told Him all that i need. I told Him of my understandings and my difficulties. My fears, my problems, my dreams, my love and that very pain in my heart.

Indeed, because i am so lost, so helpless -like a baby- i have no other choice, but to depend on Him fully.

Like a baby - trust your provider and care-giver with all your heart. Listen and do everything as told. The beautiful child-like faith.

Next, as i sang worship, it reach a stage where i simple stand quiet and started sobbing. Next thing i know, i was really crying my heart out.

I am glad py was around. Maybe God knows I need her around me too - that's why she is in front of me. I just hugged her really tight and cried my heart out.
She knows. She understands my pain.

What i wanted to do.

What i really need to do

just what i need

to move on.

And so, i count my blessings.
That God has blessed great friends around me.
What i lack in grades, i make up for it in spirit and speech.
He has blessed me with people who cares.
He blessed me with a go-getter spirit. So much so , i know i wont die.

I will get up and go.

Most importantly, for accepting me for who i am - as His child.

lovely.

nut case

2007-03-10T11:42:00.000-08:00

a really really really crazy idea struck me

maybe i should take one year off good ol' school and just focus on

volunteering.

get a life and find out more abt myself. hmm.. maybe.

haiz

2007-03-04T10:51:00.000-08:00

my grades - sux.

it really do. I really hated it and almost slipped into denial.

i knew everyone tried to comfort me, cos it really is a tragedy.

i know most ppl thought i wont be able to accept it and do silly things.

i am just speechless. i would have never guess such a thing to happen.

i wont complain abt my grades, but my GP!

my heart breaks, my mind razes. why? how is THIS possible?

one entry - before i go

2007-03-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

friday, 2 march.

good friends told me not to scare myself.
well-wishes racked my handphone.
yet, i cant sleep. i cant think. my mind just stops. to this day.

the impact of A levels is nerve-wrecking.
and as far as i see, i had come a long way in this exam.

just look at art.

how it has taught me and showed me so much.
how it devastated me and how it picks me up.
how it drives me crazy and makes me smile.

so before i collect my results,
i just wanna recollect.
how i feel, i fared.

i know, this is not my best. i CAN do stronger and better.
i was foolish and procrastinate.
i know i am guilty in some sense.

yet, thinking back, have i not done what i could?
yes, there are times when i sank into unhappiness and lost drive to study.
so overwhelming, so never-ending,

so often i complained, i cried, i asked, why? why? why? no matter how much effort i put in, i dont seems to reap the improvement i strive so hard for.

A levels is a tiring journey.

but, i know i did what i could given my situations and circumstances.

i really have to thank my friends and family who pulled me through. who talked sense into me and wake me up. Friends who will sit me down and hear me out, help me out in my ridiculous request - all in the name of art, and most of all, pray for me throughout my journey and were always there to pull me up and strengthen me.

Thank you, you know who you are =)

so, A levels is a tough journey - art was killing me. And i survived.

Yes, i spend 80% of my time on art, the rest mostly on physics ( oh! how my mind changed after dropping maths, i know the concepts well, but i stumbled in calculations) and i alws left lit to the last.

If i had better time management, ( in revisiong and exam wise) maybe i can say it is my best. But, i know there is no turning back of time. and

i NEVER regret taking art.

despite the tough times i had, i never regret chasing my dreams. I live once, live it my way.

I know i did everything i can for physics and art. For lit, i have studied really hard in the days leading to the exams and i have sharpened my essay-writing skillsin jc2 years. i know i did. BUt my only regret for lit, is my lack of time management. It is my fault. And i will face the consequences.

i still stand by what i say. i love 3 subjects i studied.

art - my love and my celebration to beauty.

physics- for it's smart practicality and usefulness to life. It never fails to amaze me.

Lit- it is more than study a text and writing well. Lit is the study of the human mind, the human nature - never-changing from pre-shakspeare times till now. it will not change even in the future.

And so, i will now go. to collect my results. I dont have to answer to anyone. I just have to answer myself.

and i know, i will not let myself down.

Though there are doubts and fears constantly, I know, that i never regret this path i chose. i never regret choosing A lvls, i never regret chooing yjc, i never regret what i did.

Even if i cry, i will not regret this path.

And so , i go.

the song in my heart

2007-02-27T23:12:00.000-08:00

I am an open canvas, Fill me with the colours of desire,
for the Holy Spirit

A White plain of sheet ready for the Lord's hands to fold me
into a stunning origami- no clear plan-but by WILL

Make me a clean slate Lord and cover me with your LOVE

Regardless of the ephermera nature of earthly waters,
your water pours and is the source of life and reason.

You are beautiful, Filling me with Love,
You are stunning-ever strong and faithful

Knowing the very depths of our hearts
You know our fears. But, You never mock them.
You understand and know our weakness.
Yet, You never despise them.

Instead, You answer our fears, change our flaws
and work with us, through us in all our problems.

You are beautiful - worthy and timeless.

Amen.

- ChunShu

48 hours inclusive design competition

2007-01-29T19:31:00.000-08:00

design can give one dignity.

Qn: Design a mainstream product, service, environment, print, on-line or other communication which deliberately includes the needs and aspirations of young disabled people, focused on mainstreaming their everyday lives.

Practical or blue-sky in nature
create opportunities for future take-up by business

Theme:Lifestyle, leisure or sport alone or in combination.

Judging criteria:

Promotes social inclusion
Shows insight into the needs and aspirations of young disabled people
Demostrates an innovative approach
communicates keen ideas and messages

yeah, like everyone bother to keep to all the listed above.

For great design, just think of basic daily task, involves everyone, safe funcitonal for disabled, yet look normal and beautiful. (disguising the function). AND excites the designer!

after interacting with rosie, our team member who is visually impaired, we came up with 3 design ideas:

1) Finder ( to look for our essential and missing stuffs, lying around the house etc.)

2) A flask for pouring fixed volume of liquid (since it is dfficult for rosie to determine the amount she is pouring and whether is she pouring INTO the cup)

3) a liquid medicine dispenser ( think of it as a cough syrup bottle with a nozzle)

All 3 were shot down instantly. Because they were too functional.

"Singaporeans are too serious"

"Oh ya designers, you can do without sleep"

"It's okay that the room is messy. This is a good sign - in designer terms. It shows ya thinking" - Julia Cassim

yep, we messed up the entire room (other teams paste their design ideas all over the room, decorate the place with trash and discarded ideas, research etc. )

and we enjoyed the entire experience. Just great to force ideas out of designers within 48 hours.

This silly blogger cant upload my photos. I will put up pics soon to let ya know more.

loster-like

2007-01-23T08:27:00.001-08:00

i am so tired.

my hair is blanched with sweat
my fingers are marinated by the usual condiments and flavourings; generous toppings of oil
my feet is well pounded
my skin is like lobster

never felt so ... ... *speechless and clueless on what to use*.

argh, really tired! and still have to clock in at 9.30 tmr. Madness.

Foodie Foodie!

2007-01-18T10:12:00.000-08:00

Having worked and studied the recipes for singapore's local dishes - i gotta taste them out!
So here, i started by sussing out the best stalls near my places and try it out - for myself.

This is my writeup and experience with singapore's street food culture.

Tian Tian Hainanese Chicken Rice [ Maxwell food court ]

Touted as "Hawker Legend" by MakanSutra and Singapore Tourism Board.
It is reviewed as a "Chicken Rice Shrine". My sis told me she felt it was ordinary.
A simple plate = $2.50
My personal experience is: The reason for it's accolades lies in it's rice and chilli.

Chicken: Ordinary. Juicy, fresh but forgettable.
Soup: Slightly above average.
Rice: Every single grain is well coated and robust with flavour. It's fragrance was strong and unmistakable. Just take a SMALL mouthful ( you are not a rice bucket pls), and chew slowly, let the freshly steamed rice release it's chicken aroma. The rice is well cooked, not sticky. Really fresh and fluffy in texture. Well-watered to perfection and just the right touch. I can clean off the rice alone.
Chilli: Not spicy enough to deter me, but spicy enough to give just the kick. The chilli is well-blended and has REAL GOOD bite. The tangy and momentary stinging is great. Just the right thing to balance off the oily heaviness of the dish.

Rating: 3.5/5

Hai Sing Ah Boling [Chinatown, Smith St]

Another "Hawker Legend", the owner is one musician who has played in concerts as well.
They handmade their ah boling, and open from 12pm - 6pm.
Being my first time, i went for the assorted ah boling - 6 pcs for $2.

Soup: They served it the clear style, "chng" and the primary strong taste was pandan. BUT people often missed out the real accompaniment that brings out the aromatic sweetness of the pandan - GINGER! Hahah, bet you didnt know that do you? The ginger is important because without it, the pandan will taste flat. By boiling them, with rock sugar, you actually infuse both flavours together and the ginger's raw touch will be smoothly evened out in flavour by the pandan. By doing so, the pandan's sweetness is released out of this clever contrast.

Ah Bolings: Unlike factory-made ones, which are stale in flavour, with thick flour. Hai Sing's ah bolings are thin - yet resilient.Making it delectable, instead of eating a whole mouthful of flour. The difference between his and those factory-made is obvious in taste. His flour is well-beat in texture and evenly done.
The fillings are handmade too, i like it most when the sesame did not make me feel heaty. The yellow bean paste ( not sure what it is) and the DURIAN ah boling are great too. It is not overly sweet to kill, but it just good enough to top off and balance the flour. Just the right touch.

Rating: to consider the fact that it is not easy to achieve this delicate balance that takes years to do so, this dish deserved... 3.7/5. hee, kk, 4.o/5.o

Hokkien Mee [Chinatown, Smith St]
It is awarded, 2 chopsticks..
Having had my fill with Ah Bolings i decided to share, so peiling and i split us.

It was divine. The stock was well done and the noodles, after blanced and shimmered with suace.

Yawn. i will continue soon

woman woman.

2007-01-14T09:19:00.000-08:00

sumiko tan - IS my favourite female writer to this day.

She is a great lady with loads of brains and frankly, i think she is beautiful in her younger years.
Fact is, she is STILL beautiful.

I love her candid writings and most importantly, her REAL approach to life.

Why is she still single? Looking at capable, decent woman like her getting well - unmarried, makes one wonder what is going thru men's mind.

A good talk with ladies around me, i just realised
i am so young, so little to give
so much to learn!

Those who are wiser with age,
tells me plainly - frank opinion.
That men - are just... ...

terrible in two aspects:
1) Responsibility
2) Accountability.

So much so, they say men are just ... ... b _ _ _less.

"put them in a situatuon, their b_ _ _s shrinks. Really."

With such behaviour (backed by true-life examples), how can woman hand their happiness, their love and trust to them?
*clicks. understandable - from their point.

But, i am sure not everyone is like that.
I hope so. =)

But the real test comes, when life trials knocks. True colours appears.

let's see.

Sumiko tan rocks!

a penny of my mind.

2007-01-12T23:43:00.000-08:00

thoughts.

having worked for some time,
i think sch is a great place to be - $ is not a concern.
All you care are your grades and schoolwork - at least you are working for yourself
and you can always just slack around and hang out with your friends

so beautiful.

We can do what we like - skip classes, have silly sch crushes, gossip away, do stupid together

such a carefree feeling

But in the working life, $ comes first. While such school tidbits are gone.

I am glad i realised this.
So i am grateful i can embrace school life for one last time - university.

_________________________________________________

food.

i have just graduated to dealing with exotic food.
I cant tell you what i saw - out of company confidentiality
BUT i am sure it will make your stomach churn and turn upside down
From those yummy food i saw earlier - to THESE.

Puke-inducing

Everytime i study a picture
1) What on earth is that?
2) How can you DO that?
3) How can you EAT that!?!?!??

Scary-looking animals, disgusting possibilities

//////

But the real terrible thing is,

Not what we EAT, but how we TREAT the food.

When i study the picture and realised how humans prepare the food
my eyes "popped" out,
Then i saw that it is done not only to one, but rolls and fields of it.
Massive number - every single day.

C'mon, you are gonna kill it for food
Do you have to do this to it - STILL?

Mad.

hiatus

2007-01-08T07:47:00.000-08:00

yum yum

2007-01-02T06:07:00.000-08:00

makansutra - induced.

you know you are going nuts when...

1) crabs cooking style = crabs' delicious funeral
2) chicken's different cooking styles = chickens' different post-treatment
3) singapore = chili crab, non-halal chay kuai teow
4) malaysia = nasi lemak, halal chay kuai teow
5) roast chicken, duck = molasses
6) hokkien mee = the funky hawker legend
7) ah boiling = hai sing
8) good food paradise = fengshan

the two hot dinning areas..

Wild rocket - the media darling. attracting both the professionals and artsy. Hidden in mt emily. dont think it is obscure and unpopular. in fact, diners felt it is more than a meaL. It is a spa retreat even. The food done by the lawyer-turned self taught cook looks great./

Vanilla Pod - so beautiful, it has seen so many grand movements, countless marriage proposals. lovely garden and the staff will help with all the surprises!

dont think

viva la.

2006-12-30T09:53:00.000-08:00

Viva la in the move!

My friends, shenglong, cai ping and elina, - though they dont understand what i meant.
And shenglong, cai ping were reluctant - but they did it.
Out of friendship - which i really appreciate.

thank you people!!! =D

What makes me most happy, was not just the fact that i got it done, everything went smoothly and no complaints, no hostility, no confrontations, questions or trouble with the authorities,

my friends - from being reluctant, hesitatant and unsure'
they found it enjoyable and even add in suggestions

that,

to me, is not abt getting the results and experience.
But my team was happy and learnt from it as well.

It is NOT about MY experience. or MY idea.
It is a joy - multiplied when shared, borne out of friendship. =)

I am a imperfect person, but i thank God - that he surrounds me with angels.

2006-12-26T09:55:00.000-08:00

life is full of dilemmas.

stuck.

quietly, she looks around.
Not knowing what to do.
How to make the best decision,
with the maximum potential, success
minimum hurts and disruptions?

she does not want to live life for the future or the past.
she wants to live her day - one at a time.
this way, she lives her life to the fullest.

bring her out.

What is a real challenge pool?
unfamiliar, afresh.
or comfortable, but uncertain?

B...Bao's beauty. Shy and warm. Cute.

2006-12-19T09:36:00.000-08:00

The usual bao you see in the kopitiam.
Dont look down on it.
i always regard it as boring, old-fashioned and very economical.
but never desirable.

Today changed all that.

Bao can look CUTE!

seriously!

The photos made the bao look... .... heavenly.
And one picture, even created this dreamy effect of "first-love".
You must be laughing as you read this.
Yet, by focusing on the only char siew bao - with the red dot in the very middle, tilted at a "talking" angle,
and comparatively, bluring the other surroundings baos,
it really made it look as though - "all the other things on earth doesnt matter"
What counts in that special moment is - only the bao and you.

Lol. What a romantic lovestory.

The photos are fantastic.
The humble bao looked really fluffy skinned - keeping warmth well within it's loving folds.
And the insides evokes such gleaming, well-seasoned delights. With sinful, tasty bits of fat
Inviting you in - with it's steam. Proving that it is perfectly ready for you. Freshly steamed.

The bits of chives provides the extra-oomph in texture.
soft meat - seasoned with sesame oil, salt and pepper exludes good flavour and lingers in the mouth - an inviting after taste.
And when you sink your teeth into the fats - ohh... fats always taste good. It's oil will not put you off - but instead it mixes well with the meat's after taste and each serves to compliment each other to the fullest.

I think, i am writing a commentary on food again.

Anyway, today's work was easier. I think i am getting used to it.
Handling 200 over pics - co-ordination.
Helped to check up on the designations, departments.
Writings, pasting stamps and the usual christmas cards stuffs.

I think their christmas cards are really cute. "Have a ice kacang christmas".
Image: Star at ice kacang peak, ice kacang adorned with deco and lights.
So apt for makansutra.

so painful - my pencil shoe design was impressive - in my sis's words.
BUT, the fabric paint i used - dulled it. Control was tough. Thus, it was almost impossible to sustain the pencil's design and play of lines' thickness. =(
Nevermind, at least it is my shoe and not friends' who trust me enough to entrust their shoes in my creative hands =)

Anyway, the office scene is really juicy.
You can really tell the drama. But it is GOOD drama.
Not those meant to kill each other. But to help each other in their common goal.
Good environment. =)

I fell asleep in my job =X
While waiting for the granny com - what i was given.
To respond to my work
Hee! I CAN work FAST! I am only delayed by the com's silly slow response.
But even so, i found a way around it and speed things up lots.
Anyway, i fell asleep while waiting for the com and while resting my head against the chair.
My neck hurts! and my shoulders from the incessant typings, my elbows from the burden of my hand's weight at that pivot.

how i wanna learn the guitar, do my own bag soon.
I saw a bag i really loved.
I am so gonna get it after i get my pay.
To reward myself for working =)

A girl can never have enough bags. indeed.

first day

2006-12-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

first day.

was a lil apprehensive.
but heck, for the money and experience.

Nice environment.
I like the workplace and it's surroundings.
Until today when my mom drove around - cos we are lost, looking for the obscure tras st.
Little did i realise Singapore has such a gem
It is somewhere tittering between commercially-developed and yet, still quiet - in design.
The architecture of the shophouses captured me
I marvelled at it's layout. I lingered to look at the state of old materials
BUt i love to study how old and new are fuse cleverly. The old charm is kept, the new is done for commercial and survival of the buildings.
Else, it would be gone - possibly for some bigger, taller projects.

When i stoned, i will look for interesting food in the archives i am working in
to perk myself up

And when i am hungry
I remember myself clicking my tongue as i clicked my mouse.
I never knew food can look this good - even without smell.
Juicy, well-cooked to a healthy, inviting shine/ texture. Tantalising.
And OH! the cakes, pastry and desserts looked so DIVINE!

So i will tell myself : though the work is boring - co-ordinating pics for today
pretty-brainless. Dulls my senses
BUT, when i make what i want,
hee, i will try out those treasures i am staring at now.

I will. =D

And when i stoned again, ma ma mia!
I saw the picture of my favourite carrot cake stall! Chai taw kueh!
AMK carrot cake! ohh...

hee.
good to work with food.

=D

it wasnt meant to be.

2006-12-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

it wasn't meant to be.
it never was.

it is just a seed
sown in care and hope
watered with joy and warmth

but meant to keep in great conditions
with discretions.
Use your brains to keep out the weeds.

bubblegums/

2006-12-16T15:08:00.000-08:00

i read through the writings.
looked through some shots.

thinking clearly, enough of cheap bubblegum popsicles.
no point with writing flaky bublegum love sops.
the age for it has passed

now, i think what writings are lasting and impactful are the likes of Wuthering Heights.
I used to hate this book when childish love writings appealed to me.
But having understood and read the text - i embrace it.
So strong and WHAM! it hits you in the face
no pretentious desperate attempts
no hypocritical writings
it captures emotions at it's strongest intensity.
Sexily,
it does not give in.
I like the fighting spirit and tough as nails touch of the characters.
Though i will never understand Cathy I's selfish and silly idea of using Edgar's wealth ( her husband) to improve the lives of Heathcliff ( her lover).

I felt my notions and conventional ideas of love is challenged when i read the text.
I was irritated by Cathy I's selfish behaviour in love, Isabella idiotic behaviour.
And more often, i find myself taking the sides of Nelly. The convention. Especially in view of the above mentioned 2 characters.

Even if you have other ideas of love,
2 things can happen
1) you must accept and respect other's definition of love
2) you cannot do anything with regards to how they conduct their lives.

But no doubt, characters are strong in emotions. Feels so vivid.
Even if you hate them, you gotta admit you know what they feel and rather, you will sympathise even if you hate the person.

That is what true writings are. Emotions are channelled effectively and readers are participating with their emotions.

Forget the puppylove sops - somehow i start to find it comical now.

Maybe i will do a revamp to my stuffs.
And the photos - expect something different to surface. Little by little.

pull and stretch like the pizza cheese

2006-12-15T09:24:00.000-08:00

this holiday is a journey of self-discovery.

it does not happen like a huge bang - it comes bit by bit.
like a water droplet that falls on a rock - slowly but steady and definite.

I realise and draw some ideas on what human nature is.
Been studying it for the whole of my jc lit years.
but nothing beats learning it yourself from questions and observations.

suddenly, i start to sound like someone. someone who drifted away.
someone i dont wanna be. it is good to be like him once in a long while - we all need it.
but dwelling too much can be a pain to everyone around - i know, i felt. but i can never understand fully. but i can only TRY to understand and draw lessons.

I took a longer path today - without knowing.
I relished the joy of walking leisurely without a care for anything.
no deadlines, no homeworks. no phonecalls.
I took my time to study the clouds.
Started thinking of how to capture it aptly.
it leads to thinking of how to make drawing art relevant in a world of photography.
it is not a matter of mastery of techniques and realistic paintings.
what stands apart and makes things last is capturing emotions.
How you feel towards what you draw.
That is the key.

But soon, life's grip will come and send everyone in a flurry of activities.
It already did. Everyone around me is. But i am trying to hold it back, just for a little while.

just for a little while.

a little while more.

To think. I dont want to rush.

I want to hatch the idea fully and strongly.

Study what i just learnt and commit it strongly to memory before i allow myself to go on more
tasks.

How birds' flight across the evening sky resembles heaven's way of covering a night blanket over child earth.

How the movements, ripples of currents hightlighted with lights - looks like electric fish jumping and dancing out of the darkness.

How, difference in air pressure gives us a random song of the wind - with dancing fallen leaves.

How a fallen leaf in a jacket, with one's eyes trailing the path of the leave and the unknowing discovery of a leaf with a hand seeking warmth in the depth of the jacket's pocket - feels, like nature cheekily inserting an entrance ticket to save us the embrassment of being caught intruding nature's private performance of seasonal changes.

The smell of fresh loaves in the evening walk. Quiet but inviting. A quiet private walk of thoughts.

i think i lost some.

Some which i fail to commit to memory. Fail to write it down. Promising to but allowed myself otherwise.

They held onto the little things. Because it is the most real. It is what that matters because that is all they have control of.

Thank You Father, You taught me another lesson i least expected to learn.

But it is strong and peaceful.

I will remember. That is all i have.

beads

2006-12-11T22:53:00.000-08:00

my beads are running everywhere !!

a few steps around my house will guarantee stepping on one or two precious.

i cant help it. everytime i work on beading - it starts running around.

mom says i sould get a tiny box and put in front of the com, so that everyone can deposit my beads into that box

collected around 3

so far. not counting those that are eaten by the vacuum cleaner.

christmas wishlist

2006-12-11T04:07:00.000-08:00

my christmas wishlist ;)

Mastering Light and Shade - by Ong Kim Seng

A set of arcylic paints in a wide variety of colours!

some response in my sales blog -_-

no more dark eye rings!

more space at home to store my love loves!

the asian games...

2006-12-11T01:49:00.000-08:00

Confessional poet on the line ;)

the other day, ronnie and i were talking abt who lived the longest:

fiction writers, non-fiction authors, poets, playwrights and etc.

appearantly, fiction writers are the most short-lived. based on some-i-dunno-what survey.

I just wanna remain what i am: confessional poet of sorts. writing what i feel strongly about and capturing emotions in words. I love it most when i can compress what i feel into 3 mere words.

Yesterday, as i was watching the Asian Games opening ceremony in Doha ( i never heard of this place before!) It just felt right.

It is apt that the Asian games is held in Doha. In such chaotic times, with tensions around - it felt poignant when the performers formed the word "Peace" in both english and arabic. Yes, what the world needs is PEACE. The desire for peace more than anything else.

The Asian Games, is more than just games. I think, the choice of location, the amount of coverage given to the place can make or break the event and the host country.
It is apt that the games are in Doha. In times when stereotypes are rife, it is important that something is done. More than just words, but real actions are taken - for the good of everyone.

And indeed, this event has brought positive attention to this place and their people.

I am just glad that it is held in Doha.

Anyway, when i watching the gold-medal match between Singapore's Remy Ong and Korea's Joo Nam Yi ( did i get it right?) , my family kept saying: Go remy go! (haha, it sounds like Go Remy GOLD! ) hahaa. And when the Korean was playing, we were like: "C'mon, leave a pin or two behind! Leave pins behind!" (Funnily enough, each time we said that, he did leave 0ne or two behind =P )

We cheered whenever Remy hit a strike and went "aiyah!!! when he left a pin or two behind.
I rem'bered we were very happy when he managed to clear a tough scenarios when 4 pins were left standings- though it felt like erm, by luck cos the last pin was JUST RIGHT, hit by a rebound pin at the bottom.

BUt still, Singapore got a silver =(

It was a good game though. And i do feel wish the olympics will include bowling. Cos, i believe Singapore will have a good chance for a medal.

And as i watched the synchronised swimming event, whao. Malaysia is really good.
And it just occured to me, if Malaysia can, why not Singapore?
What is Singapore doing? Why did we not focus and try this out ( Afterall, it requires lesser space than a football field, and it is more on SELF - how good you can co-ordinate etc.) INstead of having to depend on your opponent's strenght.

I think we should give synchronised swimming a shot. INstead of all that emphasis on soccer when our dear lions dont even get into Doha for the games.

BUT, this is JUST MY OPINION - my two cents worth eh? - hee hee.

my first sales blog is up! =)

2006-12-07T11:03:00.000-08:00

it is beads-and-wires.livejournal.com

do look and spread the word. thanks. =)

the water runs along the fine destined line.
it was so familiar - it's predecessors have set the path way before
each tread only once - each time, a few seconds.

not by gravity. but by a self-acknowledged weakness
hardly stopping.
moving
staining
the path

it
goes.

to release.
after
it's
purpose

last paper

2006-11-28T07:25:00.000-08:00

After lit, i pushed myself to draw. But the momentum only fully kicks in on sunday onwards.

Sunday was fantastically productive. 4 good drawings - my best shot, to date. My drawings of the rough stone hedge really looks solid. I learnt not to think in words, but in pictures. I worked so hard that my back ached from the constant closeups of drawings. Feels like i am getting old.

Monday- test trial. was 15 mins late, having suffered from insufficient sleep - had no finalised compostion, so i thought on the spot and did everything (initially) grumpily. After consultation, went to search for morning glory pictures in the amk lib - no luck in looking for the bud though.

Returned home and did art all the way.

SO much so, i did not sleep the ENTIRE night. No surprise eh? and my sister kindly stayed up with me, yes all night. so sweet of her =) She was helping me to cut, arrange and mount pictures up the prep board, while i drew endlessly.

Went to school without even looking at the mirror. I was really totally unglam. Only managed to use up 4 prep boards fully. We are supposed to hand in 5. I was unable to finish drawing a A4 test piece of the final composition and colour scheme. Hence, i simply used the test trial i did earlier. But i think i am still okay - cos the minimum requirement is 5 A3 sides. While the max is 10 A3 sides. I handed in 9. Overall, i am satisfied with my prepboard for paper 2. I think this is my best drawing and painting paper. BUt when i look at my final work, i still felt i could have done much much much better with 5 mintures more. More shadings = more volume = more marks.

The 3 hour paper passed with me drawing - i did not feel sleepy at all. And Kia told me he is sleepless for 48 hours alr. Lol. I changed my composition mid-way. Because i realised it does not show my strengths and instead brings out my flaws. Stupid morning glory buds.

Last 10 minutes, my fingers were aching. The joint between my right index finger, third finger and the palm was hurting. My neck was tight and my right-hand side of my back felt tense and tough. Aches from over-drawings.

I hand in my work and felt surreal. It took a long time for the end of my A levels to sink in. It just feels weird. It seems "not-so-long-ago" that i first dorn the yjc uniform, when i first step into yjc. And now, i have come to end of it.

It is like, with the end of my last paper. my yjc days have come to an end.
Our 2006 jc2 records are cleared without a trace. By resetting the school's system.
Perhaps, we are just another batch of faceless and nameless students having our education - to yjc.

Yet, to me - the 2 years spent in yjc was defining and fulfilling. I truly found myself.

Went to watch happy feet with jasmine, wahlene, tj and xl. After that, we simply waste our time away. The luxury of time - really rare.

Now as i am penning this entry. I am listening to Shao Nian by Guang Liang. One of the first few songs i am introduced to when i joined yjc. Yep, it is our youth. It is our past. time and tide will change us - our looks, our values etc. But can we hold on to our goals and dreams? The passion?

Speaking of this song, i rem'ber shing yang promised to burn me Guang Liang's cd since the start of jc1. Then later, after promos and later... no mention. lol.

sleep defiency.

i never regret taking art, coming to yjc and most of all, knowing all my wonderful friends in t12, 109, 208 and Art.

True friendships have no good-byes.

studying lit.. 9008/ 05

2006-11-22T21:25:00.000-08:00

it is good that i am passionate about my texts.

I used to have an aversion to God of Small Things.
BUt now, when i re-read it like a least 3 times
i start to understand the depths of her writings, her skills, her concerns, so subtlely lined into her child-like words and phrases.

I felt emotional when i read the portion Ammu and her children.
Not that there is words that are meant to be tear-jerking, but rather, the matter of fact presentation and simpke presentation of dialogue evoked my emotions.
The no-frills presentation stripped away all flowery-words pretense. What is left is a simple dialogue - that speaks strong their love and heartbreak.

This can only be done when there is an understanding between the author and the reader.

I feel for ammu. She knows perfectly well her impending fate. No more chances. It strikes me strongly how, armed with only a mother's love, she put on a strong front - no, a strong front is too weak to explain her stand. What she was desperately to do is to hold on tightly to hope. Hope was slipping like sand between fingers. She was so desperate, so lost - that her insides start to live in denial. Her attempt at speaking of hope turned to her words of denial.

I cant write as well as her, but if you read it you will feel her pain - sobbing silently under the words. her desperation. How hope abandoned her. How history played their games on her love.

How everyone killed her for her right to happiness.

9008 / 03

2006-11-21T21:25:00.000-08:00

I prepared my ear plugs.
Fingered my papers can look at the questions.
I thank God that Nature came out for Ted Hughes - because i cant get war, crow and what-nots into my head for nuts. Somehow, only the nature poem quotes stayed.
But the question was with a twist - violence and nature.

i took it because i cant do Mayday on Holderness. Mayday on Holderness is the reputable incomprehensible poem of the collection.

It was only after the paper that gab and ronnie felt the essay question was risky - it can either be at least 3 poems with one on violence, one on nature and one half-half OR 3 poems with BOTH nature and violence.

I kept quiet because what's done is done.

The Guide - i picked passage. It looked safer. Interesting of them to ask them of the dual-time scheme. I was on the dual-narration style. IN fact, i prepared practically everything - characterisation, themes, writing techniques etc but i did not bother about the dual-narration style. but it was not beyond me either. I simply wrote what i can think of and did what i could.

The Glass Menagerie - either passage on relationship, chracterisation and dramatic effects OR dramatic techniques to make the play more vivid.
I choose the passage on Amanda and Laura - relationship, presentation of characters and dramatic effects. Given the limited amount of time, i had to adopt a seamless writing style and comment in general with quotes from the passage + some outside the passage. I did not finish on time ( -_-" ) and i worry that i did not quote enough from the passage.

There is smoething irritating when i did my Glass Menagerie, upon realising that i ran out of papers with only a few minutes left, i shot up my hands and waved. The nearest teachers were chatting among themselves. Instead my maths teacher on stage saw me. I waved with such big action before one of the nearest teacher approached me. Even so, she took her own sweet time to walk over. I rem'ber saying " Kuai dian arh!" in a annoyed manner but i dont know what was my volume though.

I wrote in big handwriting and finished the essay. But given more time, i would have delivered a much better essay - (who wouldn't?)

Conclusion: this 03 was much better than 01, but i do think i took a huge gamble - with ted hughes. But wahtever it is, what's done is done. and i dont think i can will get A for this paper. =(

And ooh yah, ear plugs are really effective. It really blocks off the noise from the guy, beside me, who keeps shaking his legs. I can concentrate much better and am in better control of my thoughts.

...........................whatever.

sounds accurate. =)

2006-11-18T12:12:00.000-08:00

the Adventurer
Thanks for taking the test !

you chose AX - your Enneagram type is SEVEN.

"I am happy and open to new things"

Adventurers are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

How to Get Along with Me

Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
Don't try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
Be responsible for youself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
Don't tell me what to do.

What I Like About Being a Seven

being optimistic and not letting life's troubles get me down
being spontaneous and free-spirited
being outspoken and outrageous. It's part of the fun.
being generous and trying to make the world a better place
having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
having such varied interests and abilities

What's Hard About Being a Seven

not having enough time to do all the things I want
not completing things I start
not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career
having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies
feeling confined when I'm in a one-to-one relationship

Sevens as Children Often

are action oriented and adventuresome
drum up excitement
prefer being with other children to being alone
finesse their way around adults
dream of the freedom they'll have when they grow up

Sevens as Parents

are often enthusiastic and generous
want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life
may be too busy with their own activities to be attentive

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You liked the test? so please don't forget to RATE it...
but remember! it had only two questions!!! ;-)

you wanna know MORE?
so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type...

...even more you'll find in Google

or do you prefer to

You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose AX

Would you rather have chosen:

BX (NINE)

CX (TWO)

AY (EIGHT)

AZ (THREE)

i dont wanna be

2006-11-16T06:44:00.000-08:00

it feels exceptionally poignant when i am studying escapism because i would really love to escape from my current situation.

I dont wanna be like sylvia plath or ted hughes or laura - drifting or dreaming along.

i dont wanna be like amanda wingfield either or even tom - forced into the harsh realism of pragmatism and vent their emotions on others - even without them knowing. I dont wanna be like tom, having said - " not without remorse, but to escape fully, one must be without pity" yet, he "was more faithful than he intends to be" and Laura touches him on his shoulder. Anything just to blow her candles out.

Iago needs a counsellor
Tom should have bought a notebook
Laura needs a friend
Cathy I needs a good lesson on her moral character
Linton needs to know what a man really is. He is too weak.

I dont wanna be like Heathcliff. I admire his strong vigour to life but i think it is sad to live a sad life - deriving short shots of joy upon inflicting pain on others. He only lives to deny Hareton's right to Wuthering Heights. He lived a sad life and died a happy death with a smile.

I think Marlene is cool. But i dont wanna be less of a woman. Nor do i wanna be like joyce - i think her situation made her a bitter woman.

I wanna be a kite.
Free to fly. It sounds weird - a kite. Unlike a bird, a kite has a string attached to it.

I just feel inspired by this song -

your kite flies high, really high
like a bird in the sky
you can loosen the string and make it long
but be sure to hold it tight.

whack myself hard

2006-11-14T21:30:00.000-08:00

This is really raging.

OKay, my original idea of AAC looks really tough.
Especially after the disaster in lit paper 1.

I hope physics will be a low B at least. Paper 3 was okay. As usual, time is the deciding factor.
But most likely a C.

Art is a DEFINITE A. I must NAIL IT DOWN.

For now,

i must really work on

1) Lit papers
Paper 3 - 20th Century Writing: The Guide, Glass Menagerie, Ted Hughes
Paper 5 - Open texts: Top Girls, Wuthering Heights, The God of Small Things.

The tougher the going gets, the more i will bounce up and slash you in the face.
I wont die. I will bite, gnaw, rip and claw my way through.

The past few papers have showed me prominently what is the trend. Physics wants real-life application. Lit will just throw you some obscure words, quotes and passages.

In lit paper 1, my strength was my undoing. I must not allow this to happen again. It is terrible to even happen in A level. Based on my approximate calculation , i must secure A for the other two papers in order to get a low B for lit. and my TIME MANAGEMENT!

Thinking back, i am satisfied with today's physics. I knew i gave it all i can within the time frame. fluids was tough - they are really smart to give sucha toughie. My estimation of 30 mins went up to 50 mins. The allocated timing was 40mins.

10 mins can secure you 8 more marks.

I had to give up the remaining 4 marks in fluids to do the 4 core questions.

Really terrible I need to 30 mins to do 1 core questions
I only have 1 1/2 hour for 4 core questions. Where i need 2 hours.

Madness. 30 mins for quantum + stat waves. 30 mins for nuclear.
30 mins left - 40 marks.

i ran amok. 15 mins per question. I finished question 1 in 15 mins. Then, i had to choose the last question. I picked Q3, over Q2 and Q6 because it is requires less explanation. With only 15 mins, i must attack those calculations and "state" questions to grab the most marks in 15 mins.

I couldnt finish. But i wrote and grab whatever i can.

After reading people's glowing review of Lit paper 1 - i am more determined now than ever to hit back and do what i can. Whack it!

9246 / 03

2006-11-14T20:18:00.000-08:00

i felt like a scavenger
i sharpened my claws
Formulas, calculations,
Quantum, Stat Waves, Nuclear, Forces, Circular Motion and Fluids - i tackled them all.

racing over the booty
tighten my grip
eyes darting
making sense and flipping.
Decisions were made within seconds.
Knowledge and practice was the equaliser.
Time the cruel divider.

real-life application of knowledge
the prominent trend.
I was prepared with my knifes
but time determines how big my slice.

I devoured questions and abandoned some,
setting my eyes on the easier preys.
Alas, careless movements and equipments denied my clean cut
I chased across the white cartridge stream - ripping the brown fonts
Cut the bullshit and tell me what you want me to do and what i need to know

Time whipped the pen out of me.

13 nov

2006-11-13T06:01:00.000-08:00

Today, is THE day.

3 A level papers in ONE day
literature - Shakespeare and Contemporaries
Physics - Paper 1 and 2.

I felt so slaughtered.

Literature - i studied REALLY HARD for Othello and King Lear. And in the morning, i crammed quotes for Duchess of Malfi. I flipped at random and looked on Duchess.

It came out.

In fact, everything - whatever i spotted for the texts came out : Iago for Othello, Duchess for Malfi. For King Lear, well i simply covered the entire text and looked more into themes.

BUT it was really tough.

Othello

Othello's passage-based was tough, the discussion on reputation in Cassio's words were hard to tackle. The first Othello question : What does Iago's bitter humour contribute to Othello?

My goodness. I studied Iago fully. But the idea of bitter humour was never an issue i dealt with in my entire jc life. The fact that my teachers did not cover it tells you how seemly insignificant it is. But Cambridge asked anyway. Actually, make that SEAB's creative brainchild.

I took the question and did what i can. Frankly, i dont feel confident of my writings. Really. I also spent a long time understanding what exactly is bitter humour. I finally put it down as " amusement and enjoyment at other's losses and pains"

I state briefly on how bitter humour comes about, WHAT is it and the impact of it - characteristation, dramatic effect etc.

i felt like, i was trying to write on something insignificant and make it sound significant.
I really tweaked and twisted my knowledge hard.

comparatively, ronnie's deifinition was : grim and black humour.

_____________________________________________

Duchess of Malfi

3 questions. Madness in the play, examination of the opening scene.

I HAD TO take the question on Webster's characterisation of Duchess - keeping in mind some obscure quote i have never thought of or read about. A quote that seems to be from the text.

"...I am entering the wilderness
For nor path nor friendly clew
Is my guide"

So, based on my knowledge of the play - i made a guess. The duchess mentioned this when she on a religious trip to Loretto - having been threatened by Ferdinand on her marriage and sending Antonio away. Most likely, she made this statement before her capture by Bosola and after her duchess title and lands were seized by the pope in the name of her sexual immorality.

Given the pessimistic natue of the quote, this is the best i can think of. As the duchess is usually a feisty and optimistic woman - even at the face of death, she was dignified and accepting of events. Though she was not exactly happy facing death, but she was confident of going to heaven. It is a release.

Since this quote is given, you MUST give the context of the quote. So i simply wrote out my guess. I felt terrible writing it. Yes, i can answer Webster's characterisation of the Duchess perfectly, but if i put the quote in the wrong context, i will just fail this paper on the spot.

It is a either do or die situation. All the other option questions leave me with a boderline case.
I choose to take this gamble. Either i do really well, or i fail big time.

King Lear - i was left with 15 minutes. this is terrible of me. Looking at the questions - it was a tough choice. I picked what i thought easiest and wrote on. My index finger was aching at the joint, it felt painful and i had no idea how to continue to my first page. Suddenly, i told myself, i wont allow myself to fail this paper due to lack of writing, i must WRITE. Just write whatever relevant points that come to me. Put that mental block away from me. Move on! Thus, i still churn out a 3 page essay eventually - but, i had no time for a conclusion.

I really think i screwed my Literature Paper 1.

________________________________________________________________________________

PHYSICS

THe consolation for paper 1 :i finished the paper.
But many a times, i had to rush through and throw in an educated guess as i was running out of time.

Paper 2 - SEAB and Cambridge are really smart. THey put all the TOUGH questions in front.And silly me, spent so much on question 1, i did NOT have enough time to complete the paper. Especially DA.

I really hate myself for my stupidity and clumsy time management.

Many a times, when i was doing the paper, thoughts ran through my head - not enough time! Ya gonna die. Then,i will suddenly talk to myself and say: No! Ya not gonna die. Ya gonna do and do this well. Just shut up and DO IT!

Whatver it is, today is a terrible disaster. :(

i dont know really

2006-11-10T10:24:00.000-08:00

but this insecurity bug just hits me easily.

it just hit within moments. swiftly and definitely.

Thankfully, i am rational and in full control of myself. Or am I?

I dont wanna end up like Iago - though smart but he destructs because of his insecurity - hidden from himself.

Interesting how Lit shouts out to you about life.

GCE A LEVELS ' 06

2006-11-01T23:59:00.000-08:00

in denis' words - The battle has began.

INdeed.

I am so glad that i am done and over with General Paper. Actually, i think General Paper is a good subject. It questions and demands good thoughts and expressions. It is a smart paper which technically, you cant study.

But in reality, you can.
Just by reading up more and doing more practices to eliminate one's flaws.

I was so afraid. I cant sleep the night before. In fact, i just kept tossing and turning. I was consciously awake with eyes closed. But when my dad told me to get up in 5 mins time, i realised i did not sleep the whole night. Whao. So much for anxiety.

Before the paper, i prayed. I held on to the promise God gave me in my O level nov chinese paper 2 years ago. " I'm with you" - God told me gently in my left ear. It was so vivid - certainly a life-changing experience.

The paper was fine.
Though with more time, i will pack more punch.
Paper 1 - Composition - How far is your country prepared for future crises?

The qn was tricky. Firstly, one can get carried away with the vast examples available. Secondly, one can get carried with Singapore's previous success on crises such as SARS etc. when the qn stated - "future".

But i avoided the pitfalls. Becos instead of the estimated 20 mins for planning, i spent 1 hour. I did a detailed outline - to be certain i will not be too examples-orientated and stay clear-headed.
So i spent 3o mins to churn out my 4 page essay.

If you evaluate the question carefully, it is not THAT concerned with the future crises. Instead, it is concerned with HOW prepared singapore is. The question does not want you to state what are the measures. Instead, the question wants you to EVALUATE the measures available.

I state 4-5 pts

1) Singapore implemented nation- wide measures, based on our knowledge on past and present threats. Examples: The usual notification of suspiscious articles in public areas. The nation-wide drills held to test singapore's proceedings in the face of a Bird-Flu threat or bomb attacks etc.

2) Singapore discussed and address issues that can be potentially used against the country.
Examples: "Is God getting in our way of social cohesion" (ST, Saturday, Insight, 21 Oct) and by organising and documenting religious leader's discussions on issues like terrorist and evangelism in Singapore. By dealing with issues with care, instead of regarding it as taboo - Singapore helps to dispel any negative notions. Such articles made Singapore's stand clear - religion should not affect Singaporean's relationships with fellow countrymen.

3) Singapore uses deterrence. Because of our small land mass, we cannot afford to have war on our land. Thus, Singapore has developed intelligent weapons, so that we can engage enemies from afar. Singapore builds strong ties with countries like USA, Australia. We also conduct military training in various countries like Brunei and Taiwan. Singapore stores military weapons in Australia etc. This is crucial so that our NS men will not be disadvantaged in the jungle terrain ( Singapore hardly has any!), and we will not be lack of essential storage space and be limited by our small land mass.

4) Most importantly, Education is the key. Through education such as Social Studies and National Education, singaporeans' national identity and loyalty is strengthen. Singaporeans will understand the impact of any crises and will be trained to be discerning towards all information.
This is important because Singapore is easily affected and exposed to many informations and influences in the world due to our high connectivity - 70% of Singaporeans are online as of Sept 2006- and globalisation. Through this, Singapore will raise the a future generation that knows how to deal and prevent a crises.

Threats of future crises are real to Singapore. We are eaily affected by happenings around us due to globalisation. Through the use of both short and long term solutions, Singapore is ready to deal with future crises. This is attested for in our quick response towards SARS and the police successful foilling of terrorist groups' planned bomb attacks on Yishun Mrt station.

i think i did my best.

But when i hand in the script, i realised. Sh*t! I forgot to include evaluation!!! Argh!!

So i asked my teacher abt this evaluation portion. His reply: "How to evaluate? This is on FUTURE crises, it has not happened, how are you supposed to evaluate when it is not put under the real test?"

Ohh.... Let's just hope he is right ;)

As for Paper 2 - well, i think i did well for compre and summary. Quite reasonable. But poor time-management me did not complete AQ. I only wrote 4-5 lines and i knew i wrote crap. Argh!! I expect a zero for AQ...

C'mon, give me a B3 at least!

why had i NOT thought harder?

2006-10-21T12:44:00.000-07:00

i never regret choosing yjc.

but i regret not taking and grabbing the opportunities that was given to me.

Now that i am better informed, now that i looked back,

why had i not take it?

When it was given to me on a silver platter?
When i was invited personally - time and again,
when they tried to persuade me through my teachers
when they did all they can
exert all possible pressure to me
explain all possibilities
and benefits to me

why did i not take it up?

why did i allow myself to be influenced otherwise by one, when deep-down, i really wanted it?

Why was i SO stupid?

I really regret.

Last Day of School - YJC. 13 Oct 2006

2006-10-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

class photo - with mrs tan!

The Funky 208!

will continue uploading photos tmr.

Today was the last day. I had a good mind to be late. BUT i was early and met zhaoyu in the train. He told me how happy he was, since today was the last day of school.

For me, i know i will miss all my wonderful friends. today did not disappoint me.

As we sang the national anthem and said the pledge - in uniforms, it just struck me that this will be the last time - we are singing as students. After attendance taking, the guys went to play soccer and the girls stayed in class -we took lots of funny photos!

a) My class buddy - Shahz and I playing our most common game
Yi-Yang Zhi! She uses it to wake me up in yjc's lectures and tutorials.
b) Peiling and i in our CT class A4-12. One of her limited unglam moments!
c) Abidah and I posing silly in front of the doors.

From Left: Me, Jasmine, Abidah and Puay Yong! We are pointing up to your class and err... ya..

208 girls From Left: Jasmine, Peiling, Abidah, Puay Yong, Wahlene and Me. Not forgetting my dear shahz - who is taking the picutre for us!

Yilong and I. He is the tallest guy in class! and Me realising my "shortness"

Hahah! Revenge!
See that look on yilong's face? =P

From Left: Puay Yong ( notice her fingers? yi-yang zhi me. -_-' ) Me, Peiling and Shahz!

And... After getting "yi-yang zhi"ed.

ARh... Peiling bully me!

Me lazing in physics tutorial.

The Art Students
Wahlene, Me and Jasmine

After Physics tutorial, i went straight to spencer's last lit tutorial. The lesson was on Ted Hughes. And after that, i took pict with Siva - who is the top for Eng Lit, Tamil A and History!
I took pict with him not because he is smart, but because we had a gd time working as presenters for PreU Sem 2006. He was acting as SingArt and Me, as T.

And later, From Right: with another PreU Sem presenter - Khadijah! who was acting as R. and my 7th SVA member - Suhaidah.

After Lit, I went for lunch in the canteen with Denis. Even the Malay stall auntie gave me special discount! Simply because i was jc2. We had a short conversation and she told me to take care, study hard and do well. So sweet of her. =) As i sat in the canteen, i felt different. just different, you see people playing their guitars and chilling out with their jc2 class. I felt nostalgia. The vibe in the air was just different , maybe because it is the last day of school.

After lunch, i went for GP, found my reading card (hooray!) and for once, was attentive and asked lotsa questions during GP. After GP, the class went to see Mrs Tan Chua Lay Yen - the cute, olive-like maths teacher. So sweet of her, she even got me a card ! Though i dropped maths =X

We posing with the pretty star cards she gave us.

Left: Mrs Tan scolding (- or rather nagging) Xianglong and Gabriel for climbing out of the class's window

All under the Umbrella with Shing Yang the Goat!

First, she was tickled pink. .... Then... ....

Finally...

Mrs Tan nagging at us as she zips up her pencil case ( as usual )

Mrs Tan with our maths rep - YiLong!

Singapore Woman and Man

2006-10-07T11:26:00.000-07:00

Sumiko Tan is a perfect example of Singapore Woman.

She is the perfect example of how Singapore Woman, who are

1) educated (and witty, O, how i enjoy her columns )
2) relatively good looking ( at least during her prime, but she still looks fine now )
3) holding a decent job
4) just being the simple Girl-Next-Door.
5) Left on the shelves

No offense, but it just saddens me to think how such Singaporean ladies are just "left on the shelves" when Singapore men go marry foreign woman.

"men poured their treasures on foreign laps" (Othello)

What is the problem?
Why do these woman have to be neglected by their own country men?

Was it the woman's fault for not actively looking for a husband? Should she lower her standards or cheapen herself by advertising openly for a mate and risk getting prank calls? Is it her fault not to appear desperate? Is it her fault to just stay decent and not go hook some men and instead, choose to maintain the socially expected "maiden modesty" and focus on doing her job well?

Must Singapore Woman be "forced to woo"? (John Webster, Duchess of Malfi)

Or was it just the man's inferior complex at the face of an educated woman? Is it men's pathetic insecurity? Ot was it men's selfish reasons: "Oh, i want her to obey me, bear me some kids and look after the household."

Look Men, you dont marry a slave, a "child-factory" or maid. The Singapore Woman is not a stupid girl who is at your beck and call. Afterall, marriage is a shared responsibility between husband and wife. Dont expect your wife to serve you and kiss the floor you walk on.

The Singapore Woman is a decent girl-next-door. I think she makes a good wife. I know some guys will be scoffing at this now. But let's work this out:

A - Typically, she will bear you a child or two and do her part. Note, it is her part - not EVERYTHING. With asian values in her life, she is brought up and understands the importance of this duty of the wife. And if she is reluctant, most likely, it is because she is afraid that she will end up "a wife with no life", so to get her to bear, it is the guys' reponsibility to assure her he will do his part and KEEP TO IT. In addition, he should not "house arrest" her with endless household chores.

B - She is educated. Hence, she can

1) not embarrass you in front of your friends by looking bimbotic. Of course unless, you dont want her looking smarter than you.

2) She can tutor the kids - at least in the primary school level, particularly useful - since Singapore is a paperchase society. And not to forget the bonus of her going through the system ( mostly at least) and sharing these "heart tidbits" with the children.

3) When faced with a problem, both you and her can try to solve it together. Two brains are better than one - especially when it is educated.

4) With her education, she will have a general interest or ability to keep up-to-date with the news. There is only so much movies you can watch, so much dating places in Singapore. To keep the romance alive, you gotta talk. And it will be interesting to discuss foreign affairs with her, which can generate more ideas and opinions. Afterall, when you discuss it in the office, at least you would have "rehearse" it with your wife.

For point 3 and 4: basically, The Singapore Woman is no bimbo. So what if we are outspoken? You dont marry a bimbo, do you?

If you prefer a bimbo - that just speak volumes on your intellectual level.

It just irks me when 1 in 4 university-educated woman is married.
What about the other 3? Spend their lives working and dying alone in their final years?

I am just sick of how Singapore Men coos how "demure" and "simple" foreign woman are.

Cut the bullshit. I dont think Singapore Woman is any lesser. We may have demands and expectations, but we are NOT MATERIALISTIC. we have dreams and visions. And if you are intimidated by it, we will know how small-willed and low self-esteemed you are.

We dont marry a man just because "of a better future with a Singapore passport". We dont marry for the sake of getting married. We only marry when we feel compatible and after knowing the person well.

At least, Singapore Woman will marry for love. While foreign brides marry out of necessity.
Just think, love is important in maintaining the marriage. For the foreign brides mariages, it will be an unbalanced relationship. Firstly, i feel there is little love ( if any). Secondly, since the bride is married to the man because of the Singapore passport, she will be in his control or feel that way - which creates more tension in the marriage.

Maybe, Singapore Men marry foreign woman because they are "within reach" - with $10 000, you can get a foreign bride. I think this undermines woman. You dont buy a bride. You should not, especially when it is a lifetime responsibility. Just think, when this woman is a lifetime responsibilty, does it make sense to just marry her after seeing her for a week? How tough it is to find someone who shares and understand your dreams and passions - much less in a week.

National Service, is more than just running around with a gun. I think it should include the responsibility of fulfiling the nation's birth rate quota - with a Singapore Woman. Dont leave us out. We are part of this nation too.

STAND UP SINGAPORE!

news. today, reflections. October 4

2006-10-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

North Korea is just plain selfish and cruel.
Their insistence to go ahead with the Nuclear tests is due to one strong reason: they wanna flex their "muscles" and increase their demands - backed by the destructive power of the Nuclear bomb.

Indeed, "This is an effort by Pyongyang to say:"Take us seriously"." (Seoul, AFP, The Straits Times, Oct 4, 2006 , East Asia )

Though this feels rather underhand,but it is understandable if a leader wants to secure better bargains for his country - though i dont agree with it's playing card (note, i did not state trump card). i think it is rather underhand and proud.

But what disgust me is their selfish and cruel mentality.

Nuclear testings' impacts are not easily contained. They might try to put up some pathetic preventive measures, but think abt it, how good can THEIR measures be when they dont have enough to eat? - Opps. i forgot, the leaders have enough to eat. It is only the poor, the people that are going hungry. No wonder their leaders can go think of such fantastic plans.

Even if they do have good measures ( which is highly unlikely - in my opinion), there WILL be PERMANENT damages. Any self-respecting physics student can tell you that nuclear will never go away. It might experience half-life ( that is, self-destruct into 1/2 of it's original amount), and approach zero, but it will never reach zero. (with maths' knowledge : think of an asymptote.)

Think abt the effects of the N-test. The essentials - air, water and soil will be contaminated. The people will suffer side-effects, like mutations of various forms, give birth to nuclear-influence babies. Maybe that is the leader's plans - make nuclear babies.

"It exposes them to a great deal of of risk, far more than the missile launch."- Mr John Swenson-Wright, of the Chatham House international affairs think-tank in London. ( Seoul, AFP, The Straits Times, East Asia, Oct 4 2006. )

And at worst, lose 70% of North Korea's population.

How did i get that shocking stat? Well, through the news.
Yep, North Korea's governement has already announced that if they cant control the situation, they ARE PREPARED to give up 70% of the population - the farmers, poor etc.

What good is a leader if he dont feel for his people?

oh maybe, he dont have a heart - though he has a 42 yr old dancer-trained secretary-turned-mistress. Rem'ber, we dont know what happens in N-Korea since it is so "tightly-knitted".

Which makes me think, rem'ber the recent Olympic games that captured Singaporeans years ago? When Singapore's tennis player fought against a N-Korea's representative, was leading and eventually lost by 1 game?
Yep, the narrow brush with an Olympic bronze?

While our "4th position" is still celebrated here, and the N-Korean returned home with a bronze?

Has it ever crossed your mind, what will happen to the N-Korean player if she was awarded 4th? Does her life, or worst, her family's life hinge on that critical game?

we never know. Because for North Korea, we never hear the people. We only hear the loud, aggressive and arrogrant demands from their leader.

The only way and time when we hear or suspect the plight of the people, is when facts are transmitted. Information can save lives.

_________________________________________________

Oh, I think MM Lee is simply great.

The recent hype on MM Lee's comments, with reference to Indonesia and Malaysia, that "Singapore's neighbours had problems with their Chinese minorities. The Chinese were successful and therefore were being "systematically marginalised", he said, concluding that they want Singapore "to be like their Chinese - compliant." "(Leslie Lau, The Straits Times, Prime, Oct 4 2006)

The contents, have created a huge woo-ha over in Malaysia.Especially with the leaders.

Prime Minister Abdullah had mentioned - "The statement that Datuk Lee Kuan Yew made in Singapore is uncalled for and not appreciated." and "such statements can incite the feelings of Malaysians" (Leslie Lau, The Straits Times, Malaysia, Prime, Oct 4 2006)

Former political economics professor P.Ramasamy said:"To me, the fact of marginalisation is obvious. It doesnt matter if it comes from Lee or not."

So while MM Lee has issued an apology - for causing "great discomfort", i take great comfort that he did not apologise for the content. He is the man. He stood by his words.

Back to Malaysia's response - MM Lee's "apology" was given huge media attention. The English-language New Straits Times (hey, notice the name? "new"? ohh...HMM.) reported that "MM Lee had apologised to Mr Abdullah ( Malaysia's Prime Minister ) for the remarks he had made about the treatment of Chinese in Malaysia..."(Reme Ahmad, The Straits Times, Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur,Oct 4 2006 )

It amused me how they choose to focus on the "apology" instead on the nature of the apology. When the latter carries more impact and insight.

But at least, most of the papers gave a direct report about the contents of MM Lee's letter.

But, all the major papers - except for the chinese paper - Sin Chew Daily, did not refer
"to the annex that was with MM Lee's letter, which listed several recent occasions on which Malaysian leaders had commented on race relations in Singapore" (Reme Ahmad, The Straits Times, Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur, oct 4 2006 )

Do you smell something?

Whoa, they do report the news, give huge coverage - BUT with SELECTIVE information.

Anyway, i think Malaysia's "several recent occasions... in Singapore" is just "uncalled for and not appreciated".

It is just the pot calling the kettle black.

Think about it this way, if the "marginalisation of Chinese" is untrue, will a foreign leader's words matter to the locals?

A Level Art Submission

2006-09-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

Feels weird.

After everything is said and done. - Well, i tried my best, though i could make things better ( yes, i sound like a perfectionist again... i know) , but taking into account EVERYTHING, i think i did my best.

No regrets.

It feels weird to be DONE with ARt.

For a long time, art seems never-ending. Our stress level, bad hair days, break-outs, bitching, behaviour and mood etc. are all linked to art in some ways. As i walked out, it feels weird that i can go home without lugging art stuffs back. Feels weird that i can go home before the sky turns dark - without the pitch black corridor from LAIR to the canteen. Feels weird to go home without another fresh set of complaints/worries. Feels weird that i am no longer running through a list of "to-dos" for art, or simply feeling glum over art.

As i mentioned, while i was working, as much as i wanna get it over and done with, as much as i wanna get liberated, i know i will miss art.

I will miss those times, when we all just sit back and work on our pieces, help each other when the going gets tough, and once in a while, pass a few good jokes. Afterall, we all know that we may never experience this again. I wished i had videotaped some moments down. It is just a good reflection of all of us, when we are 18 - at the prime of youth.

I still feel bad. I felt i could have been a better friend during the last moments in art. =i felt i was a lil too insensitive. i still feel bad over this. But, at least i try to make admendments once i realised my insensitivity - i hope.

When will we re-live this experience? When will we go through something so tough, so testing and yet, so enriching?

What will be the first thing that come to mind when we look back?

I am heartened that my class - 208 turned up to help. Even with the art room cleanup. It is really helpful and considerate of them. Knowing our stress level.
208, is a fantastic class. At least i know i can trust them and we do not backstab each other. =) that is a rare find. Even in a school environment, not to mention in future, in the working environment.

Friends and family really keeps my sanity.

Without them, i think i would have been swept over by the workload. I think i would have been in a mess - becos of the stress level. ( yea, i know what you all have told me, dont stress myself too much)

I truly learnt alot in this journey. It was a journey of self-discovery too. I realised i tend to pile myself with too much pressure. I seems to get anxious and stress easily. But, when it comes to working, i take such a long time, because i am such a perfectionist.

Yea, i might be a perfectionist in my work, but i am not blind to my flaws. =)

Things were tough. I felt i was at my limit. On the final line of sanity, just one more trigger and i will tip into giving up.

The endless testing of materials, how i have to redo repeatedly, then throw it all away.
The vandalism case - that disillusioned me. The sewing of the handpiece, balancing between a hard material - my friendship bands, and the soft - foam.

How things got so bad, i cried as i worked. It was terrible.

Everything went wrong, paints kept smudging, needle broke while sewing, insects crawling all over the place, the still musty air in LAIR, apple computers that died several times on me and even my body told me to stop - by refusing to get itself together, vormitting out my dinner.

I did not eat or sleep well - in many sense, ARt is unhealthy.

Till now, i still think my prep book is messy. BUt, it is different from the rest because mine is product design. I hope the examinars will enjoy reading mine, i hope they will have fun with my works. All my products have movable parts! =)

I will miss today. When i rushed around, doing my stuffs. When my friends came around to give me moral support and helped to guard my works.

When we all complete the race together.

I love you , 208 and yj ART j2 2006. And not forgetting everyone who helped me, but giving me a shoulder to cry on, or helpin me in anyway.

Thank You - i am falling asleep on my keyboard already.

benjamin

2006-09-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

i was finishing my drawing - morning glory.was thinking of a name for my A level art project.

I decided to name it - Yee Hui.

Yes, i decided to name it after you Ben.

Because,

1) Both ben and my art, is a journey of self-discovery.I truly learnt alot.
2) Because of my art, it has taken a great toil in my relationship with you Ben.

I feel apologetic for this... and i wanna thank you Ben, for being so understanding. Though you cant help me for nuts - you always insists that you are a science person 100%, but i really appreciative you for how you have encouraged me to do art since the first day you know me.

3) well, i wanna keep this personal. But another link between both ben and my art.

I have a hunch. That you have left for Brunei- due to your army duties.

Heavenly Father, i lift him up to You Lord, please keep Ben safe. Amen.

art - heartbreak

2006-09-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

how cruel

someone vandalise my A lvl artwork today.
i am now 2 weeks to submission date.

There is no time to lose.

just one selfish act,
and my blood, sweat and tears' efforts goes down the drain.
i feel mocked. How my effort and work is so easily damaged.

just one selfish act.

I did not waste time in school, getting upset over it.
Instead, i immediately looked for ways to salvage it.

No witness and no one will admit anyway.

______________________________________________________

It just struck me.

Was this how God felt?
When all His hard work, all His efforts
were undermined by one sin?

How the simple, mindless and "lack - offs" lead to the first sin commited by mankind.
How one act simply stalled one's progress?

fragility seems to mock one's value.

And that is why God sent His Son,
to rectify things for the better and put everything back on track?
So that He can continue what He intended with Adam and Eve.

__________
__________ like how i am trying to salvage things and continue my plans.

how rude can commuters get.

2006-09-05T20:49:00.000-07:00

singapore mrt experience can be exasperating.

there is the usual "self self self" thinking among those who will rush to enter the train, making it tough to alight. Dont they have any brains? if you let people out, only then can you enter - properly, without unglam jostling.

Not to forget that "tsk tsk" case - at orchard, everyone was waiting for the train, standing at the side of the door, leaving ample space for people to alight. Then came along a family with 7 children. The kids, upon seeing everyone standing so orderly, stood behind everyone. Their parents and aunties, instead, chastised them and told them to stand IN FRONT of the door. Upon doing so, the adults beamed. Oblivous to the stares by everyone.

Adults. What manner.s.

But what got me writing was yesterday's

I took the train, held onto the handrail.
There was this woman beside me, her hand on the rail too.
The next moment, she leaned onto the rail. With my hand on it.

She was pressing her right breast onto my left hand.

Should she not protect her chest?

I withdrew my hand asap. Cos it doesnt feel right.

The handrail is a HANDrail. For holding. Not a BODYrail, for leaning!

I wont say ALL singaporeans behave so. Because such behaviour is exhibited by a minority of singaporeans and foreigners. I hope, minority.